


Family Fortunes

by Edie_Sunshine



Series: Just Two Guys [19]
Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: Dysfunctional Family, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Family Drama, Family Secrets, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Meet the Family, Past Abuse, Smutlet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-31
Updated: 2012-12-31
Packaged: 2017-11-23 03:32:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 22,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/617597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Edie_Sunshine/pseuds/Edie_Sunshine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Juice's kid sister. The one with all the kids. They found her bleeding out in the tub. There were pills. She's in the ICU. He has to go.</p><p>Beta'd and made legible by Spacebabe</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

'Book two seats. He ain't goin' on his own,' Jax says, eyeing Juice as the lad scuffs at an imaginary stone in the parking lot. Juice's eyes are skittish and his jaw spasms like he's trying to hold the words inside. 

 

Jax gives Chibs a long look, then turns his eyes to the sky, like he's found inspiration there. 'Hey, look, get him back whole.' 

 

Chibs nods, he agrees. 

 

The call had come through an hour ago. Juice's eldest sister, Marnie. And Juice had paused with spanner in hand to answer it. When he came back, his eyes had been red, his face, pinched. All work in the shop had stopped for a minute, waited for Juice to tell them what had happened.

 

His kid sister. The one with all the kids. They found her bleeding out in the tub. There were pills. She's in the ICU. He has to go.

 

Tig had been closest and he'd just pulled the lad into his arms, murmured something in his ear, and Juice had nodded, slumped like someone had cut his strings. Chibs had tamped down on his own need to touch, to hold and protect. Gone to Jax instead, told him what had happened.

 

&&&

 

Juice is relegated to the passenger seat for the drive from the airport to the hospital in Queens, where they're keeping Luisa. They get out of Newark and Chibs ignores every one of Juice's directions. Juice says take Lincoln, the guy goes for Holland, Juice says not I-295 and what does he do? Juice used to live here, he knows that New York miles aren't like map miles, and some roads have been under construction 24/7, for as long as he's been alive. 

 

'Ah, shite,' Chibs mutters, but by then they're bumper to bumper with every other car in the world and there's no chance of changing direction.

 

The shitty little Pinto they've hired grudges every gear, and the windscreen is so filthy and clogged with rain that Chibs has to drive all hunched over to actually see out of the thing. Guy mutters and swears to himself, can't drive a car for shit.

 

The world passing on the other side of the windows is all fuzzy with condensation and rain. Even if it wasn't, Juice doesn't think he would recognise much from the last time he was here. Yeah, the roads are the same, the turnings, the street signs, but every building has probably changed hands a million times in the intervening years. His old school got knocked down and replaced two years after he left, and the garage where he scored his first job has gone bust and been bought out several times over. Even the church his mom used to drag them all to is unrecognisable, small and stunted where he always thought of it as a towering threat.

 

Juice has tried to think about other things, anything to keep that heavy feeling from expanding from his guts to his limbs. It's a long time since he was last back, not since all that warrant shit, Jo hiding him from the cops and the bad guys, driving him to the bus station and telling him to 'just pick somewhere, pay cash.' 

 

He'd sworn that he'd never come back and yet, here he is. And, even if he can avoid the cops and everyone else, his step father's gonna be there and it's gonna be fucking ugly.

 

He fidgets in his seat, the seat-belt cutting into the side of his neck. He could really use a cigarette, but if he opens the window even a crack, they'll probably both drown, and visibility's already shit without adding smoke into the mix. He finds Chibs' lighter in the little cubby hole between their seats, cradles it, cool in his hands. It's almost out of gas.

 

In the drivers seat, Chibs flicks his gaze over at him for a second. 'What?' 

 

Juice bites his lip, fiddles the lighter lit, turns the little dial down so that it goes from being a flame thrower to a lighter again. No wonder it's always running out of fuel.

 

'Chibbie? Uh... Look, no one knows about me except Jo, so you gotta...'

 

'I know that, Juicy. You told me already. Families get funny about that sorta thing.'

 

'Yeah.' Juice sits back in his seat, the lighter now warm in his hands. 'It's not just that... I'm gonna need to... I probably shouldn't be back here.'

 

'This got anything to do with why you turned up outta nowhere, five years back?' Chibs keeps his eyes on the road, but Juice can still feel the man's gaze. 'I never asked...' Chibs reaches blindly for his cigarettes, tucked away in his jacket, wriggles one free and then reaches for the lighter, realises it's not in the little cubby. 

 

Juice leans over, lights the cigarette, and Chibs takes a deep breath, exhales a long blue snake of smoke. Looks like they're suffocating then... 

 

'Gonna tell me?' 

 

'Yeah, sure. Just... Can we--' Juice opens the window a crack. 'Later, okay?'

 

Chibs just shrugs. One of his off-hand, 'think I'm bothered?' shrugs, flicks cigarette ash at the dashboard.

 

They pass Kissena Park, and Juice cranes his neck to see as much as he can. For a stupid moment, he wants to shout for Chibs to pull over. Wants to be surrounded on all sides by greenery, the traffic sounds distant as clouds. Doesn't matter that he'll get wet through, doesn't matter that it's freezing out there, he just wants to be out of this car, to delay the inevitable. 

 

They sail past the retail park where Juice got busted for shoplifting and had to be brought home in a cop car when he was nine.

 

'Uh, Chibbie, that's the exit.'

 

'What?' Chibs stops and someone behind him jumps on the horn. He peers through the windscreen. 'Where?'

 

'Left. No, other left! Jesus, man, look!' Juice groans, slumps back in his seat as the exit disappears from view. If they'd gotten off there they could have cut through. Now they're just gonna have to crawl along with all the wage-slaves.

 

'Juicy, yer pointin' right.' 

 

'Huh? No, it was-' He thinks for a moment. 'Shit. Sorry.'

 

'Jimmy fuckin' Cricket...' 

 

'What? It's Jiminy. Jiminy! Why?' Juice is too tired to be compared to stupid cartoon bugs.

 

'Nah,' Chibs murmurs, a smile colouring his words. 'Jimmy Cricket. Look him up in yer little computer when we get home.'

 

Chibs is trying to pull a U-turn in four lane traffic when Juice's phone rings. It's Jo Jo: they have to go straight to Luisa's. Jo Jo's there with all the kids. If someone else doesn't get there ASAP, she's gonna start bouncing heads. Jesus Christ. Juice doesn't even know the names of all of his nieces and nephews.

 

'I hope you're good with kids,' he says and Chibs shrugs, winds down the window to flip a cab driver the bird.

 

'Depends. They all outta nappies?'

 

'Nappies? Diapers. I have no idea.'

 

&&&

 

It's dark when Chibs pulls into Luisa's street and parks the Pinto on the curb between a shitty looking Honda and a bunch of trash cans. Talk about a thorn between two roses....

 

The lights are all on in the little house and the front door is open, bathing the overgrown front yard with more light. Chibs can hear kids wailing and sees two adults, the man yelling, the woman, not. This must be the place.

 

He unfolds himself from the car, each and every one of his joints complaining about it. Juice follows, closes the car door softly, like he wishes he didn't have to. Lad had just zoned out on the journey, and now he's wobbly and unsure on his feet. He pulls the hood of his sweater up over his head, tucks his hands into his pockets as they walk up the path, falling back behind Chibs.

 

'You're not taking that kid.' Jo Jo Ortiz is probably about an inch shorter than her older brother. Same build, same complexion, same nose. Her eyes are narrow, dead looking- like a shark's, where Juicy's are like windows to his thoughts. Dressed in sweatpants and a tight little crop top with the name of some gym printed across it, she's pretty much exactly what Chibs was expecting.

 

The guy she's arguing with is thick-set, dark skinned, and wearing so much heavy chain that Chibs wonders how he manages to stand up. He's got a little boy, maybe eighteen months old, in his arms and the kid is writhing around, screaming.

 

'Jo Jo? What's going on?' Juice keeps his head down but he finally finds his voice as they walk closer and Jo Jo doesn't take that dead shark stare off the guy.

 

'This piece a shit thinks he's takin' the kid with him.'

 

'Hey, bitch! He's my kid! Think I'm leaving him here?' The man turns to take in the newcomers. Probably thinks he's got allies now. 'Come on, man. Baby mama's gutted herself. I ain't leavin' my kid to get picked up by the system.'

 

'Luisa ain't dead, asshole. Kid's stayin here with his brothers an' sisters.' Jo Jo's voice still doesn't waver. She could teach Jax a thing or two, Chibs thinks 

 

A host of rug-rats crowds around Jo Jo's feet. Two little girls, four or five years at a guess, one holding on to Jo Jo's sweat-pant leg, her uncanny blue eyes locked on the grown ups' faces. The other, hopping from one bare foot to the other in some strange game that only she seems to be playing. There's a boy, maybe nine or ten, stood on Jo Jo's other side, hands in jean pockets, hardened stare. Looks just like a mini Juicy.

 

'Hey, friend.' Chibs crowds in on one side of the guy and Juice takes the other. 'You heard the lady. Kiddie stays here with his kin.' He gets a bit further into the guy's space. 'When his ma decides you can see him, you can come back, alright?' Each and every one of the kids shrinks back. Fuck it, he's tired and he doesn't need this shit. 

 

The guy looks from Chibs to Jo Jo, then over at Juice and he pumps his chest out a bit. Then he looks back at Chibs and changes his mind again. 'One night,' the guy says. 'He stays here one night, then Luisa ain't out, I come back for him.' The wailing child holds out his hands to Jo Jo and the guy lets her take him. He stares hard at Juice as he shoves his way past, but he stalks off without another word. Jo Jo just watches him go, kid in her arms.

 

She doesn't say anything to the kid, just swivels around to Juice. 'Bad idea, you comin' back here,' she says, turning and stepping into the house.

 

The kids shuffle around and follow her, the eldest, standing his ground when Chibs and Juice go to follow. 'You can't come in here,' he says. His tone is a pretty good imitation of his aunt's. Juicy should probably introduce himself, Chibs thinks, but the lad just stands there like a muppet. 

 

Jo Jo returns, pushes the now calm baby into the boy's arms. 'Mika, come on, let your uncle in before someone sees.' She turns and walks back through the house to the living room, calls over her shoulder for the kid to put his brother and sisters to bed.

 

The boy's eyes remain wary but he takes the baby, staggers a little under the weight and tucks the trailing blanket around the child's body. 'Marta, Rosie, come on.' 

 

One of the little girls follows but the other runs after her aunt, whines and claws at Jo Jo's pant leg. Jo Jo looks down at her for a minute, her face blank. Then she places one hand on the kid's head, rubs at it with her thumb and leads the kid with her, back into the room. 'Okay, chica. Up till first yawn.'

 

'That idiot gonna come back?' Chibs points out the door and Juice shrugs, looks to his sister.

 

'Nah. Tomorrow he'll forget he's even got a kid.' Jo Jo sits herself at the dining room table that's been shoved out of the way against one wall. It's covered in toys and dirty plates. The little girl scrambles underneath it but peeks out to watch Chibs and Juice. Jo Jo levels her gaze on her brother. 

 

'We got lost. I'm sorry.' Juice's eyes flicker up to meet hers and then they slink away again, fix on the table. 'Jo Jo, what the hell happened?' In the yellow light of the sitting room, Juice's eyes glitter. The lad's face is still all puffy.

 

Chibs looks from brother to sister. They've both been told their little sister tried to kill herself, and while Juice is scared and upset and sorry and guilty, Jo Jo is calm and unaffected. Numb, perhaps, but somehow Chibs doesn't think so. Juice doesn't really talk about his family, but even so, it's always clear that he idolises this particular sister. Now, finally faced with her, Chibs can't work her out, she's like a robot. 

 

'Mika called me to say she'd been in the bathroom for ages and he couldn't get an answer.' Jo Jo flexes one hand a few times. The nails are bitten short. 'I got here an' we broke the door down, found her in the tub.' Chibs watches as she taps her knee and the little girl under the table huddles close. 'Marnie's with her at the hospital an' I been here with the kids.'

 

She pauses as a high pitched scream starts up over the baby monitor half hidden under a bunch of laundry on the couch. There's the sound of footsteps and then rustling bed clothes, Mika's gentle, humming voice and the screaming dies down.

 

'Got some woman from child protection coming here in the morning. If she don't think the kids are being cared for, she's taking them, an' Luisa'll have to fight it when she gets out.'

 

'Jesus!' Juice rubs his hand over his head, casts around for stuff he can move to sit down, and when he's cleared some space, he looks up at Chibs, gestures for him to take the chair and rests one arse cheek on the corner of the table instead. If he had to guess, Chibs would say he probably looks as knackered as he feels. 

 

'We got here as soon as we could, I swear,' Juice says and Jo Jo shrugs. 'We can get this place straightened out.' The lad looks around and Chibs' follows his gaze: laundry, toys and dirty plates litter every surface, and through the open doorway, the kitchen's a bomb site.

 

Jo Jo catches Juice's gaze and finally cracks what might be termed a grin. 'If you say so, Mijo. Who's this?' She gestures at Chibs with the flick of one finger and Juice's shoulders go all hunched up, his head ducked down. When he says 'a buddy from the MC,' his voice is all quiet, but he meets her eye like he's daring her to argue. She doesn't. Just turns to Chibs. 'Hope you're good with kids.'

 

Mika comes back into the room, this time with a different kid, a teeny, tiny baby, maybe six months old and dressed in a stained yellow onesie. The baby is fidgeting and gumming the shoulder of Mika's shirt.

 

'Oh, Jesus!' Juice groans. 'She had another one?'

 

'Yeah. Or someone left it here...' Jo Jo straightens, as if something just occurred to her. 'Bet you forgot all their names. Mika and Rosie.' She points to the boy and then to the kid under the table. 'That's Marta just gone to bed, and Antonio's the one that guy was tryin' to take... This one's... shit, what's the baby's name, little man?'

 

The boy looks down at the baby in his arms and shrugs. 'Jesus.'

 

'Jesus...' Juice murmurs.

 

'No, Hey-sous,' Mika says, like Juice is an idiot. Funniest thing Chibs has heard all day.

 

Juice just scowls. 'Jesus fucking Christ...'


	2. Chapter 2

Seven am and Chibs really can't take an all-nighter, sober anymore. He sits on the back step with his cigarettes, watches the bed sheets flapping on the washing line, a mug of syrupy black coffee at his feet. Chibs hates coffee, fucking hates the stuff, but there's no way he's gonna stay awake without it. 

 

Luisa's back yard is little more than a poured concrete patio and an almost-bald lawn. There's a water logged sandpit in one corner and a rusty basketball hoop sagging in another. A one-eyed baby doll lies half submerged in the sandpit. Well, it might be a baby doll, might be just its head. 

 

Someone's car alarm's been going off for the last fifteen minutes or so. It occurs to Chibs that it might be the Pinto. Maybe, once he's finished his coffee, he'll remember to care.

 

The rain cleared the clouds during the night, so even though it's barely midway through October, it's still cold enough for Chibs to confuse fag smoke with his breath.

 

In the living room, Juice is pulling the furniture around and messing about with the vacuum cleaner, the eldest kid helping him.

 

The clatter of flip flops on the step announces Jo Jo's presence, baby on one shoulder, mug of coffee in her other hand.

 

'Take this so I can smoke?' Jo Jo leans down, deposits the sleeping baby on Chibs' shoulder, a scrap of muslin under the kid's chin, and takes one of Chibs' smokes from the packet on the step next to him. She sits beside him to spark up, breathes out heavily, and Chibs waves the smoke away from the baby's face. He can feel another yawn coming on.

 

As babies go, this one's not bad. So long as it's held and patted on the back from time to time, it pretty much just grumbles to itself. Not like Jax's two. Right pair of screamers, and Kerrianne was the same. Always wanting something, and whatever you offered was wrong, and she'd just bellow louder.

 

'That little girl still under the table in there?'

 

'Yeah. Ain't doing no harm. Carlito's gonna do that corner last...' Jo Jo says nothing more. She finishes her cigarette and heads back inside, leaves Chibs with the baby. Kid just snuffles, burrows its face into Chibs' shirt.

 

'Just you an' me then...'

 

&&&

 

The hospital's a run-down affair, marginally better than Stockton. Jo Jo's got the baby in its car seat and Juice has ended up carrying Antonio. Mika's got Marta by the hand and she fights him every step of the way. 

 

Rosie latched onto Chibbie earlier in the afternoon when they were trying to coax her out from under the table, and she's pretty much decided he belongs to her. 

 

Juice wishes he'd had time to snap a picture of the guy, bringing the laundry inside with a kid in a pink dress clamped, limpet like, to his hip. 

 

The woman from CPS hasn't dragged the kids away yet, but she's coming back for a follow up in a few days so they're not out of the woods yet. 

 

Marnie steps out of the ICU, wiping anti-bac hand gel over the backs of her hands. She's still in her nurse's uniform, a pink hoodie pulled on over the top of it. She frowns as she sees all of the kids.

 

'You can't take them in there.' 

 

What the fuck, Marn? Juice wants to say. They're not fucking stupid! Course they've brought the kids with them, what else could they do? Doesn't mean they're gonna try taking them all into the ICU...

 

'It was this or nothing,' Jo Jo says, and because it's Jo saying it, any protest Marnie might have been about to make just falls silent. 'Take 'em a minute.' Jo Jo hands the baby carrier over to Chibs and he just takes the kids without question, gets them all crowded around the soda machine and sorts through his pockets for quarters.

 

Jesus Christ, even Chibbie's doing bitch work for Jo Jo...

 

'Did she wake up yet?' Juice keeps a weather eye on Mika, since he's the one most likely to follow what's going on. The kid's not paying attention though, he's too busy opening a can for his sisters, supervising to make sure they understand that they have to share the soda. Juice remembers Marnie doing the same with him and Jo Jo.

 

'She's in and out.' Marnie works her way out of her hoodie, ties it around her waist instead. 'They're talking about psych evaluations when she's out of ICU... Did Child Services get there yet?'

 

'Yeah. We got it handled.' Jo Jo stands in her usual fighting stance, hands in pockets. 

 

'They're gonna come back, though.' Juice can't let Marnie think they don't need to worry about that anymore, not when the thing with child services is, they never really go away. One false move and it could all still fall apart. Jo Jo kicks out at Juice's ankle, gets him just above where his boot finishes. Hard. 'What?'

 

Marnie sighs, hands on hips, like their mom used to do. 'Look, guys, just handle it, okay? I don't want Luisita losing her kids like this. It'll kill her.' 

 

Oh, yeah, Juice thinks, 'cause it's all about Luisa, just for a change. She has five kids, all by different people, then decides to off herself with her kids in the house. Like she's mom of the fucking year...

 

'Chica, why don't you go say 'hi' to her? Third bed on the left as you go in.' Marnie gestures to the door to the ICU. 'Don't forget the hand gel.' Jo gives the dispenser a wary look, wipes her hands down her pants instead and lets the door swing shut behind her. 

 

Now their sister is out of the way, Marnie turns her attention to Juice. She holds out her arms and folds him up in them. 'You sure it's safe for you to be here, Mijo? I've missed you.'

 

'Yeah, Marn... I mean, it's been years an'...' Juice shrugs and Marnie holds him at arm's length. 'I'll just keep my head down, and...' Marnie nods, doesn't lose the worried expression, though. She just tugs the hood of his sweater forward from where it's slipped back from his head.

She smells like her deodorant might have given up a few hours ago. There's also the usual, faintly medicinal smell that always lingers in her hair. Her face is pale and there are dark circles under her eyes. She cups Juice's face in her palms and looks at him long and hard. 'How bad's the house?' 

 

Trust Marnie. She knows Juice can't lie for shit. 'It's okay, I can handle it... So long as Jo Jo and Chibs keep the kids out of the way, I can get it all fixed.'

 

Juice watches Marnie as she turns to watch Chibs. The guy slumps into one of the plastic chairs, carry cot beside him and Antonio on his lap. Rosie tries to crawl onto his other knee and her face crumples in rage when he tells her 'no'. Chibs catches the little girl's hand, says something in her ear, his face, all solemn, and she shuts right up, contents herself with standing beside him, her head on his shoulder. Mika is talking to him like they're two guys chatting in a bar, mano a mano and Marta seems happy enough licking the dregs of her soda from off her fingers, feet swinging as she sits in her chair.

 

Juice wonders what it is Marnie's seeing, tries to see the guy as she might. Tall, skinny, with hair the colour of gun metal, and heavy pouches under his eyes. Scar on each cheek and brief teasers of tattoos half hidden by his clothing. Neither one of them brought their cuts with them but even without his, Chibs looks badass.

 

'You trust him?' Marnie's eyes flicker from the little tableau to Juice and her stare is almost as impenetrable as one of Jo Jo's.

 

'With my life,' Juice says.

 

&&&

 

Chibs has never been so glad to see a molded plastic chair in his entire life. He keeps half an eye on his five new best friends and the other half on Juice's sister. She's watching him right back. He sees her send Juice in to see his sister next, and then she walks over to where Chibs is sweating under the pile of kids. 

 

He gives her a quick once over. Almond shaped eyes, framed with long dark lashes. High cheekbones and full lips. Even with minimal sleep, and worry etched in around her eyes, Marnie's stunning. It's a good job Tig isn't with them, 'cause he'd be in trouble. 

 

Her hair is dark like the others', but unlike Jo Jo's it's not silky, looks like it might want to be curly but it's been beaten into chemical submission. He remembers Fi doing the same with hers when they first started seeing each other. All that shite went right out the window the minute Kerrianne came along. 

 

Chibs remembers that Marnie is the one who shares a father with Juicy and that said father is African American, not Puerto Rican like their ma. Chibs knows for a fact that if Juice ever let his hair grow any longer than a grade one, it'd settle into tight curls.

 

She looks coolly down her nose as she gives Chibs a once-over of her own. Girl knows she's hot, doesn't mind using it to her advantage. Jo Jo doesn't do that, she uses her physicality to intimidate you, and Juicy, well, Juicy could easily use his appearance to his advantage, but the lad's got no idea what he fucking looks like.

 

Marnie opens her arms and the three kids who can shift under their own steam, immediately throw themselves against her.

 

&&&

 

Juice steps through the doors and finds the ward beyond about as quiet as an ICU ever gets, random beeps and the shushing sound of breathing equipment. Luisa's bed is the third from the door, just like Marnie had said it would be. She's tiny and alien looking against the white sheets, eyes shut tight and a tube under her nose. There's a drip in her arm and connected up to a rapid infuser, and her hospital gown sits awkwardly on her prone figure, like it's made of sheet metal and someone tried to mold it around her. 

 

Jo Jo's sitting, flicking through Luisa's medical chart the way normal people look through a newspaper. 'Get a chair from one a the other beds.' She barely looks up. 

 

'Did she wake up at all?' Juice can't help himself, he has to touch Luisa's hand. It's cool and dry, like she's already gone. There's a little blood seeping through the bandages and a smear of the stuff up her arm and across the gown.

 

'Nah.' Jo Jo goes right on reading and Juice fetches a chair. 

 

He hates hospitals at the best of times, especially intensive care units. Last time he was visiting one must have been for Clay, and he'd spent hour after hour watching the rise and fall of the man's chest, listening to the sound of wet breath rasping in Clay’s battered lungs. 

 

He'd felt the possibility of losing Clay like a mallet to his guts, looked at the man who was the closest thing he was ever gonna have to a father, and tried to imagine the world without him. He'd spent the time sitting with Clay, lost in memories of his early days with the club.

 

This, though, this is different. Right now, he feels anger more than anything, fury and disgust. And that's stupid, because, more than anyone, Juice should be able to understand what might make Luisa try to kill herself. He tries not to think too much about what happened those few months back, with the brick and Miles and the clusterfuck that was his relationship with Chibbie when he got out of Stockton, but right now, he can look back and know that he was lucky he hadn't succeeded, because he ended up with a second chance. 

 

The thing is, back then Juice thought he had a pretty good reason for wanting to end things. He knows different now. Luisa, though, what the fuck could she have to feel bad about? And what kind of mother tries to off herself with her kids in the house? 

 

'Jo?' 

 

His sister goes on flicking through the chart entries like she's not listening but Juice knows better. He gives her foot a little shove with his own and receives a half-hearted kick in return. 'You think she, um, you think she meant to-'

 

Jo lifts her eyes to meet his, blinks once. 'Seen her arms? I don't think she cut herself shaving.'

 

'Shut up, that's not what I meant! Sometimes people do stuff like this as a cry for help, or-'

 

Jo just shakes her head, like everything he says is stupid, goes back to the file. 'Retard,' she murmurs.

 

'Fuck you. You're not even reading that. It's all written in doctor writing, no one could read that.' Juice slumps back in his chair with his arms folded. 

 

Jo smirks, clears her throat and starts reading out loud from the file, just to prove she can.

 

&&&

 

Juice takes the wheel to get him and Chibs back to Luisa's, on the grounds that Chibs got lost getting them there before, and the journey from the hospital's way more complicated. The moment the car starts to move, Chibs' head starts to nod.

 

Juice doesn't blame the guy for falling asleep, they've both been up since last night. He hopes they sell Red Bull in the store near Luisa's place. He'll never get through the next few days without it.

 

That night, Marnie declares she's staying over and that Juice and his buddy should go stay in a motel or something. She has them all sit down to dinner together first, though, and even though it's take out, she insists they sit at the table with plates and cutlery and all that 'please pass the salt' shit.

 

'Mika, ask, don't reach.' She says without even turning her head and the kid freezes, lets go of the rice and tucks his hands in his lap. 'Rosita, I know you're tired but you're not sitting under there. If you want food, come sit up at the table.' The little girl gets up without complaint, parks herself in the seat next to Chibs, dislodging her sister. 'Carlito, would you please say grace?'

 

Juice hears a stifled snort and looks up to see Jo Jo smirking at him behind her glass. Chibs is looking away, trying to school his own expression. Looks like Marnie's still on that god shit...

 

&&&

 

They get into the motel room and Juice pitches himself headfirst onto the bed, feet dangling off the side.

 

'Hey, idiot. Big sis ain't here now. Gonna have to put yourself to bed.' 

 

'Don't care. Sleeping like this.' Juice really doesn't care. He's tired. He's so tired he's seeing double and has no idea how he drove them both to the motel without crashing their stupid rental. 

 

He hears Chibs chuckle, and then the man is sitting himself on the edge of the bed, unlacing Juice's boots and letting them thud to the floor. The bed shifts again as Chibs lies back beside him and Juice thinks about moving closer, realises he can't be bothered. He lifts one leaden arm and drops it over the guy's belly instead.

 

'Pretty sure yer sister's figured out you're a friend o' Dorothy,' Chibs says after a while. 

 

'Huh?' Juice raises his head just long enough to hit the guy with his patented Ortiz Death Glare. He lets his face fall back to the mattress when Chibs just smirks and lights up a smoke.

 

'Marnie,' Chibs says, like Juice is a retard. 'She knows you like dick. You can go back to waving your hand around when you're talking.' Guy holds out one hand, limp-wristed, puts the other one on his hip.

 

'Shut up. You look like a fucking teapot.' Juice turns his face so he doesn't have to look at the idiot. Chibs lying there like would normally be pretty funny, but Juice is tired, and the guy's full of shit, and Juice really doesn't want to have any sort of conversation right now. 

 

He has no idea what makes Chibs think Marnie knows about the two of them, it's not like they walk around hand in hand and blowing each other kisses. Maybe he's figured it out the same way he figures out all the other stuff that Juice just doesn't get. Like knowing when Tig's on the rag, or Jax needs a hug.

 

'Suit yourself,' Chibs says, exhales slowly and then when Juice still doesn't turn back, the guy shifts himself over. 'Hey, come here.' 

 

There's a brief press as Chibs kisses the side of Juice's face and then Juice can just relax into the feel of the other man around him. Juice lifts his head just long enough to tell Chibs that with all those fucking scarves the guy wears, he sets off way more gay-dar than Juice does. 

 

'Yeah, dream on,' Chibs says, tightening his arms around him.

 

&&&

 

Later that night, Juice is lying on his side with the covers tugged up around his neck when Chibs finally joins him in the bed. Guy curls up around him, presses a kiss to the back of his head, hands sliding up under his t-shirt and settling around his middle. 

 

Juice wants to be able to just snuggle and be snuggled back, for the day to have been left behind along with their shedded clothes. He can't shake off all the shit from earlier though, still wishes they'd sacked the whole thing off and gone to the park instead. Feels like the whole day's just sitting on his chest, smothering him. Chibs has been solid and silent, not getting in his face, demanding explanations. Juice knows he owes the guy some sort of an explanation.

 

'Luisa's always been crazy.' Juice rolls onto his back, lets Chibs cuddle him closer. By the light streaming in from the bulb outside in the walkway, Juice can just make out the guy's silhouette: head, ear, shoulder. He's naked and his body is hot against Juice's, comfortable as a teddy bear. 'This suicide thing, it'll have been something dumb, like, she'll be jealous that her kids are getting more attention from their grandpa and she likes having the attention herself...'

 

Beside him, Chibs snorts. 'Juicy, what are you getting at?' 

 

But, that's the stupid thing, Luisa and dad were always tight. Guy clashed with Marnie, and he fucking hated the sight of Juice. Jo Jo always seemed to have some sort of brick wall built up between herself and the rest of the world, but Luisa was all about her daddy, and he was all about her. She's never really gotten over growing up, having to be an adult. That's why Juice pays her bills and Marnie goes round there every week, and why Jo Jo hates dealing with her. 

 

Dad forced them all to grow up fast, except for Lulu, his baby. He wanted to keep her a little girl forever. But the guy's a freak and now Luisa's a grown up, the little girls are more interesting, and she's lost out to them. 

 

'Maybe it'd be better if the kids were in the system.' The moment it's out of his mouth, Juice wishes he could take it back. Chibs' hand tightens on Juice's arm and Juice is glad he's said it here and not to one of his sisters. 

 

'Hey.' Chibs shifts, pins him, and his hands pinch on Juice's wrists. 'That's enough of that, yer hear? Those kids need their family round 'em. Don't want the social raising 'em...' Chibs hands loosen on Juice's wrists and he sighs, moves so that he's not crushing Juice anymore. 'Listen to me, Juicy. Yer sister's got troubles. Like it or not, you gotta help her. That's the best way to protect those kiddies.'

 

'Yeah. Yeah, I know...' And Juice does know. He remembers all too well what it had been like getting kicked out at fifteen and not knowing where he was gonna end up. He'd been lucky, Marnie had taken him. It hadn't been great, her boyfriend at the time had been a jerk, in spite of the motorbike he rode. But Juice has heard stories about kids who end up in care, and when he thinks about his two nieces, three nephews, he knows that's not what he wants for any of them. 

 

Maybe the babies would luck out and end up with a nice family, but the other three would be stuck with revolving door foster carers. Poor Mika has precious little time to be a kid as it is and he'd be lost without his little sisters to look out for.


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning, Jo Jo peels herself off the outside wall as Chibs steps outside and pulls the back door shut behind him. 'How long you known my brother?' 

 

Ah, Chibs thinks, here comes The Chat.

 

'Bout five years.' He lights a smoke and hands over the packet and lighter so she won't have to ask. 

 

She looks like she's considering it for a long moment, filing it away. 'How long you been screwing?' Her voice is low, making sure no one'll hear, even though Marnie is upstairs, chasing the little girls into the bath tub, and Mika is kicking Juice's arse on some car chase video game.

 

'Coupla years, give or take.' Chibs looks at her and she's impossible to read. She might be okay with it, might be thinking of good places to hide his dismembered corpse. Jo Jo may be the sister Juicy is closest to, but she's absolutely and completely the lad's opposite. Where Juice can't keep a secret for shit, Jo's unreadable as a rock. 

 

She swivels that dead shark stare on him and he thinks, yeah, bloody and dismembered. She might even give Hap a run for his money. 

 

'You invested?' 

 

For a long moment Chibs has no clue what she means, then suddenly he does. 

 

'Aye.' 

 

'Good.' She flicks her cigarette out into the darkness. 'Hurt him an' I'll find you.'

 

And Chibs doesn't feel afraid, or threatened, he feels relieved. Lad's got someone else to watch his back, it's not just the club Juice can rely on if he ever needs it. Jo Jo may have some problems, and she's never gonna admit to it, but she loves her big brother.

 

'Hey.' Chibs seats himself on the step. It's freezing cold under his arse. 'He alright, bein' back here?' He nods his head at the indoors. 'He left here 'cause he was in trouble, right?'

 

Jo looks at him, blinks long and slow. She's clearly used to intimidating people by doing that but Chibs isn't really in the mood for that kind of shit. 'Look, I'm here to keep him in one piece. Can't do that if I don't know who's after him.'

 

Another slow blink as Jo digests what he's said. She gives a little shrug. 'He got pulled into some hacking shit- some pretty bad guys... Cops caught him, wanted him to give 'em up. He ran, I got him outta town.'

 

'So, it's local PD who wants him?'

 

Another shrug. 'Not really. Just the guy he hacked for. He sees my brother's back, he's gonna wanna make sure he won't go to the cops...'

 

'But, you still called him back here?'

 

'Not me. Marnie. Guess she figured, he keeps to here an' the hospital, no one's gonna know him...'

 

'What do you think?'

 

Jo looks thoughtful, then almost bashful. 'I dunno man... Guy was a buddy of our dad. They might still see each other, they might not... Listen, my brother looks pretty different to how he did when he lived here. We keep him close, he just sticks around here, the hospital, your motel, no one's gonna know.'

 

'Fucking fantastic.' Chibs tosses his cigarette and it skims its way across the yard, lands, fizzing in a puddle. He guesses this is why Jax was so adamant that Juice didn't come out here alone. 

 

&&&

 

Marnie waits till she's got them all cornered in the kitchen to announce their stepfather is on his way. Chibs feels Juice fidget next to him, head ducking down to hide his face. Jo Jo is impassive as always. 

 

'Marn, does he know I'm here? I mean-'

 

'Relax, retardo, ain't all about you.' Jo's shoulder knocks against Juice's as she passes, and the lad kind of sags against the counter a little, his eyes waiting, all hopeful, on his older sister's face. 

 

'Marn?'

 

'Let's just get through today, huh, Mijo? Let him see the kids and convince him he doesn't need to visit Luisa. It's for the best.' 

 

Chibs notices that she barely meets anyone's eye when she delivers her little speech. 

 

Hernan Ortiz is herded into the house by Marnie while Mika's sent out with Juice's wallet to pay the cab. He's still in his carpet slippers and he leans heavily on one crutch. One beady eye, one lazy one, and on the lazy side, his mouth droops down. Chibs recalls that the old guy had a stroke a while back.

 

Chibs hangs around in the background and watches as Jo Jo uses a combination of glares and threats to get each of the kids downstairs, has them lined up like they're ready for inspection, and the old bastard leans forward to receive a kiss from each of them. 

 

If Chibs is doing his best to keep out of the way, Juice is trying to become one with the wallpaper. The lad hangs back by the door to the kitchen, his eyes all wary, like he's expecting his step father to turn a gun on him or something. 

 

Hernan motions for Jo Jo and she ducks in to press a quick kiss to his cheek, ducks out again before he can hug her. 'You need anything, papa?' she asks before ferrying all the kids except Mika back upstairs. 

 

Hernan looks disappointed but not particularly surprised. Finally he fixes his gaze on Juice and gives him a long cool look. 'Manuela said you were here.'

 

Juice just nods, once, and then slides away into the kitchen. 

 

Yep, Chibs thinks, worse than mine. 

 

Mika gets stuck with sitting with his granda, tells him all about the boxing classes his auntie Juanita takes him to. 

 

'Man should know how to fight,' Hernan nods. 'Look after his family, his mama.' 

 

Chibs has a feeling that was aimed at Juice, because through the open door, he sees the lad's back stiffen as he helps Marnie with the laundry. 

 

'You a fighter?' Hernan leans forwards in his chair to fix Chibs with the beady eye. 'Look like a fighter.' 

 

Chibs shrugs, says 'some' and Hernan nods, like he approves, and Chibs thinks, you should see that lad in a brawl. In a fight, Juice is quick and deadly. 

 

He follows Juice into the kitchen instead, finds the lad kneeling on the kitchen counter, cleaning out a food cupboard with quick, vicious swipes of a cloth. A muscle in his jaw spasms in time with his movements. 

 

'You stayin' in here all day?'

 

'That's the plan.' Juice doesn't pause, doesn't turn to face him, just scrubs at something with his thumbnail, wipes it away and shifts to clean the door of the cupboard. 

 

'How long since you last saw him?' 

 

Juice shrugs. 'A while. Years. We don't keep in touch.' 

 

Juice looks like he's running on caffeine and cigarette fumes. Chibs can't remember seeing him eat today. If they were alone, he'd go over, pull the lad off the counter and into his arms, hold him till the fight's gone, and then force feed him PB & J. As it is, he reaches out, places one hand on the back of Juice's calf, feels solid muscle through the fabric of his jeans. 

 

Juice flinches away. 'Don't. Seriously.' His eyes are nervous on the door. Then he seems to realise he's over reacting, drops the cloth on the counter and stares at his hand for a moment. 'I'm sorry, I just... He gets me like this, you know?'

 

'Aye lad. I do.' 

 

Juice nods, picks his cloth back up and turns to run it under the tap in the sink beside him. 'Look, would you... He's better with strangers, an' he'll like you, so...' Juice's eyes settle on the view on the other side of the door, then shift to look at Chibs and his face is all imploring. 

 

'Yeah. Yeah, okay.'

 

&&&

 

Juice watches as Chibs gets two beers out of Luisa's refrigerator, takes them into the other room with him. He hears the Scot pulling up a chair and opening the beers, offering one to Hernan, and then the two of them fall into an easy conversation: boxing and how the country's gone to the dogs...

 

The last time Juice saw Hernan was when the guy was kicking him out of the apartment. Juice was fifteen at the time. 

 

He remembers he and Jo Jo had been at the arcade and they'd come in to find Luisa acting real strange, like she'd been doing something she shouldn't be, and wasn't sure if she should be proud or ashamed. Totally fucking weird. 

 

Hernan had been sat drinking beer in front of the TV, wearing only his underwear, like usual. 

 

He remembers that Jo Jo had looked from their little sister to her father and gone all still. He remembers the smirk working its way up one side of Hernan's mouth. Luisa might have been ashamed, but Hernan was pleased, triumphant, even. 

 

'Carlito, go to bed. Take Luisa with you.' Jo's voice had been real quiet and he'd not heard her at first. Juice knew what that stillness meant, that quiet. He'd reached for Luisa, got a hand on the back of her shoulder and she'd shrank away, a soft little mewl coming out of her throat.

 

'She stays with me.' Only thing scarier than Jo Jo when she's like that is Hernan, they're alike in that way. Hernan had taken Luisa's thin little arm in his hand, pulled her back into his lap. 

 

'I said, no.' Jo had gone to grab Luisa and Hernan's fist shot out of nowhere, there was a sharp crack and Jo went down, blood pouring out of her nose. Luisa screaming and crying as Hernan got to his feet. He'd stood over Jo, his face all twisted. 

 

Juice doesn't remember moving, doesn't remember grabbing the bottle, doesn't remember striking Hernan. He just remembers the glass smashing and a thud as Hernan fell, wet pain of the glass shards in his hand, and then Luisa coming at him, her little fists striking again and again. 

 

'I'll kill you! I'll kill you!' He'd shoved her off, tried to get hold of her wrists, stop her blows. 

 

Jo had crawled over to Hernan, rolled him onto his back. The man’s eyes had been closed, his face slack.

 

'Shit, Carlos, what did you do?'

 

'I didn't- I...'

 

'You better get gone.' She'd pulled herself to her feet, used her sleeve to wipe the blood from her face. It did nothing. Juice could see her nose was broken. 

 

Luisa had pushed Juice away, gone back to her daddy, pawed at him and cried and, finally, the guy had started to stir, reached up, patted her shoulder, cuddled her close. 

 

Hernan had gotten himself sitting up, told Luisa to get him the phone. Then he'd turned his eyes to Jo.

 

'Pack his bags. He goes now.' The man hadn't looked at Juice. 'He goes, or I call the cops.' 

 

And that had been it, Juice was homeless, Jo packing his stuff for him, what little there was. 

 

'You can't stay here,' he'd whispered to Jo, his cut hand cradled in his lap, the t shirt wrapped around it, turning from grey to a sickening red. 'There's gotta be room for all of us at Marn's. Come with me- you an' Luisa.' 

 

Jo had paused, straightened up. 'You're a fucking moron. Luisa's ten. He ain't gonna let her go anywhere.' 

 

'Look what he did to you! It's not the first time he's hit you. We can... we can say-'

 

'You think anyone's gonna listen to us? Huh?' She'd paused for a second, given him a long look. 'Get your stuff and get out of here. Before he fucking kills you.' 

 

Jo had taken Juice's bags out of the room, down the corridor and out of the apartment, stacked them in the street. She'd given him a hug that felt like a brick wall, and then shoved him off, a wad of scrunched up ten dollar bills in his fist, told him to stay in touch.

 

Now, he dries out the cupboard, sorts through the food on the counter and returns the in-date stuff to the cupboard. Luisa and dad. Most fucked up family dynamic since the Jackson 5. 

 

&&&

 

Marnie and Jo take off to the supermarket, take the babies, leave the girls to play in their room.

 

When Hernan starts nodding in his chair, declares he's gonna go upstairs for a sleep, Chibs takes Mika out to kick a ball around in the back yard. God knows, the boy's earned some time to be a kid.

 

Hernan's just a crazy old man. Living in the past, back when he was a big guy who could make himself heard and obeyed. Curled up tight in a body that's become like a cage, he resents anyone stronger, faster, for overtaking him. Not that different from Clay, or Chibs' Da. 

 

Fucking hard work to be around, especially for a kid like Mika, or someone as sensitive as Juice. Hernan must look at the two of them, see what he used to be, or what he thought he used to be. Somehow Chibs doubts that Hernan Ortiz was ever a kid like Juice.

 

After a while, Mika takes pity on Chibs and they give up on playing to sit against the wall, stare up at the scudding clouds.

 

'Where's your da, kid?' 

 

Mika shrugs. 'He's here sometimes.'

 

'What about yer sisters' da's?'

 

'Sometimes. Mostly it's just mom an' us.' Mika uses his feet to shuffle the ball between his outstretched legs. He's quiet for a long moment, putting his sentences together, just like Juicy does. 'Is she gonna come back?'

 

'What, your ma? Course. She's yer ma, ain't she? Never be able to keep her from yer.'

 

'But.... She wouldn't wake up an' the babies were crying an'... If Aunt Juanita hadn't come then-'

 

'Hey, listen to me.' Chibs leans forwards, grabs the ball and Mika's eyes rise to follow it. 'Yer ma, she made a mistake. Was just a mistake. She'll be home, you'll see.'

 

'Yeah. Yeah, okay.' Mika hangs his head, sniffs and Chibs sighs, ruffles the kid’s hair and receives a fierce hug in return.

 

'Hey, why aincha with your abuelo?' Jo's voice cuts through the still of the afternoon and Chibs turns to find her stood on the doorstep, her fists clenched at her sides.

 

'He fell asleep.' Mika shrugs.

 

'Yeah, he went for a kip in Luisa's room.' 

 

'Upstairs with the girls?' Jo's voice is quiet. 'Shit.' She turns and heads back into the house and Chibs hears footsteps, heavy and fast on the stairs. 

 

'What did I do wrong?' Mika's eyes are huge on Chibs' face. 

 

'Nothing, kid. You're alright.' Chibs coaxes Mika to his feet and they go back into the house. 

 

Jo is marching Hernan down the stairs, uncaring of his gimpy walk. She tells them she's calling a cab, visit's over.

 

When the old man's gone, Jo's gaze turns to her nephew, her fingers are tight around the kid's arm. 

 

'You watch him when I tell you. Hear me?'

 

Mika struggles, but he's not strong enough to get out of her grip.

 

'Hey, go easy on him. I said it'd be okay.' Chibs might as well have not spoken for all the good it does. Mika ducks his head away, mutters that he's sorry and Jo finally lets him go.

 

Chibs watches Jo Jo's face, thinks back on everything that's been happening and something cold slides over him. All the ugliness fitting into place.


	4. Chapter 4

Juice gives up on the kitchen cupboards the minute Hernan leaves, goes upstairs to deal with the hell zone that is his sister's bedroom. He finds her bed hidden under a mountain of clothes, and behind the closed curtains, the window is covered in condensation. 

 

Whole room smells of mildew. 

 

Elsewhere in the house, Marta and Rosita are arguing about something, and there's the sharp sound of a slap followed by high pitched wailing. 

 

Five kids, Juice thinks. Five fucking kids! 

 

He should probably go see what they're doing to each other- Marta's strong enough to get Rosa into a headlock, and Rosie's a biter- but then there are footsteps and a bellowing shout signaling that Chibs has found them. Guy gives a bark to shut them up, then talks 'em down while their eardrums are recovering. Juice has seen him do the same thing with the prospects...

 

He finds Luisa's cellphone jammed between the bed and the wall, wipes it free of dust bunnies and finds it's out of charge. 

 

The charger is in a cardboard box that also contains a lot of stuff he really wishes he hadn't seen. He blocks that image out and plugs in the cell phone to charge. There are a whole bunch of messages left on it. 

 

He's not snooping. 

 

He's not.

 

&&&

 

'Damnit, Juanita, he's a little kid.' Marnie bangs the washing machine shut and grabs the basket from its home on top of the refrigerator. 'You can't put that on him.'

 

'He's ten,' Juanita says. 'If he don't man up, who the hell's gonna?' She leans back against the worktop, pretending she's cool. She's not, she's ready to explode. 

 

'He's ten, Juana. So, let him be ten.'

 

'What, like Carlos?'

 

'Don't start with--'

 

'Why the hell not?' Juanita pushes off the counter and turns to stare out of the window, her hands closing to fists at her sides. 

 

Marnie takes a deep breath, pushes the washing basket aside. 'Chica, I know things have been tough for you, but don't put that on him-' Juanita opens her mouth to protest. 'Juana, it's not his fault. It's not. And, it's not yours either.' 

 

Juanita's eyes narrow as she stares out at the yard. Marnie can see, though, that the tip of her nose is going red, her eyes are starting to glitter. If pressed, Juanita'll just blame the cleaning stuff Carlos used on every surface, so Marnie says nothing. She reaches out instead and rubs one palm up and down her sister's arm. 'Now go see what's going on. I don't like that the kids are left with a guy we don't know.'

 

&&&

 

Chibs makes it down the toy-strewn stairs without breaking his neck. His little pink shadow trails him, one finger stuck up her nose. Juice's sisters have been closeted away in the kitchen for ages. Tough titties, because young Antonio chucked his dummy down the toilet and it needs to go in the steriliser before the little critter shoves it back in his cake-hole, gives himself dysentery or something.

 

'The kids like him. He ain't like--' 

 

'Chica, we're not taking the risk. You watch him--'

 

Marnie and Jo Jo fall silent the moment Chibs sticks his head around the kitchen door. The eldest sister looks guilty, Jo just has that flat stare on again. 

 

'Hey, need a clean binkie.' Chibs hands over the dummy and Marnie takes it, reaches into the steriliser and pulls out a clean one, dries it on kitchen paper and hands it over. 

 

'Carlos up there with you an' the kids?' Marnie eyes Rosie, swarming around Chibs' feet, and gives Chibs a sharp look. 

 

'Aye,' Chibs returns her stare. 

 

'Marn. It's cool.' Jo Jo shifts from where she's leaning against the counter. 'Guy's gonna pull something, he'll do it later, not sooner. Right?' She levels her stare on Chibs and he squares up. 

 

'Got something to ask me, doll?' Upstairs, Antonio starts screaming. He really needs that fucking dummy. Chibs squats down to address Rosie and the kid stares up at him with her uncanny blue eyes. 'Take this up to yer brother, eh, hen?' He straightens as she nods and takes it, disappears up the stairs.

 

Marnie looks embarrassed, glares at her sister and the glare just slides right off without Jo Jo even noticing. 

 

'Look, we don't know you,' Marnie says. 'Would you trust little kids with a guy you've never met before?'

 

'No, I wouldn't. An' I wouldn't trust anything he had to say either. You want me to fuck off, say so.' 

 

Marnie looks like she's giving it some consideration. 

 

'You mind that we got our eyes on you, man?' Jo Jo is the one to speak. 

 

Chibs should be furious, should be insulted that anyone could think him a kiddie fiddler, but from Jo Jo, it's not insulting, it's just a question, dispassionate and full of common sense. Marnie's embarrassed at her concern for her nieces and nephews, doesn't want to create a scene, but Jo Jo just asks it and you answer. No fucking issue.

 

'No,' Chibs says. 'Someone's gotta look out for those kiddies.' 

 

The impasse is broken by the back door opening and Juice walking in, stopping dead and looking from one to the other of them, his eyes all suspicious.

 

&&&

 

Juice is getting really sick of walking into tense silence whenever he comes up on Marnie and Jo. Just like when they were kids, Jo Jo acting like she's older than him and knows more. And now, Chibs is in on it as well. He's damned if he's gonna put up with it like he used to. 

 

'Come on Juicy, let's leave 'em to it, eh? Get these kiddies fed an' watered...' 

 

Juice waves Chibs away, his teeth bared. Chibs looks almost surprised. 'You as well? Jesus! What the fuck is wrong with you? Treating me like I'm nine....'

 

'Well, stop acting like it then.' Chibs' voice rises to dwarf Juice's own but Juice doesn't care because Marnie and Jo Jo are sharing that look again, and it's like they think they know everything and anything Juice knows, or thinks, doesn't matter and isn't worth saying. The thing is, Juice knows now. He knows what it is they're hiding and they don't have any damned right.

 

'You know, I get it. You've got it fucking handled and you don't want stupid little retardo screwing it up--'

 

'Hey, come on, Mijo-' Marnie's hand is warm on Juice's arm, but he just shoves her off and she goes flying, spins and splats, face-first against the cupboard door. Her knees buckle but she manages to stay on her feet.

 

For a long moment there's a stunned silence as Marnie brings her hand to her face, dabs at her lip and looks down at the blood on her fingers.

 

'Oh, shit, Marn, I'm so-' And then the world is just black and white and buzzing, and Juice is on the floor and his face is all wet. 

 

He didn't even see Jo Jo move.

 

&&&

 

Jo Jo takes one tiny step and Juice hits the deck, claret everywhere. She leaves him where he lands, calmly pulls the freezer door open and fills a cloth with ice, presses it to Marnie's face before returning to her territory next to the sink.

 

Chibs learnt the fine art of the Glasgow Kiss back when he was eleven. He was still small at that age, and he learned that if someone big grabs you, your forehead to their sternum gets them to let go, fast. As he got older, he learned that it works even better if you can get lined up with the bridge of their nose. He's never known a woman able to do it properly, though. Until now.

 

Juice pulls himself into a seated position, slumps against the cupboard door. His nose is a mess and his eye sockets are darkening already. Wow. 

 

'Juicy? Hey, you in there?' Chibs kneels down, cups the lad's face in his hand. 'Come on, let's get you on yer feet.' He manages it, with minimal help from Juice , and then the lad seems to pull himself out of his wooziness and shoves him off, storms out of the kitchen, his t shirt pulled up under his nose to keep the blood off the floor. 'Shit.' 

 

Chibs looks at the sisters and Jo Jo is non-plussed as always. She's as used to delivering that kind of damage as Juice is to being on the receiving end of it. Fucking deadly. 

 

Marnie's eyes search for his, though, and around the cloth Jo Jo had handed her, she looks like she's crying. 'Can you get him some ice?' Her voice is all muffled by the cloth but Chibs can just make out what she's saying. 'Take him back to the motel before the kids see.'

 

&&&

 

Juice's silence is deafening. He's holding an ice pack to his face and his breath is shuddering, but it's easy to tell he's still in a snit.

 

He shuts himself in the bathroom when they get back to the motel, ignores each gentle tap Chibs gives the door. Chibs could knock louder, could demand that Juice answer him, open the door. Hell, Chibs could take the door off of its hinges and get Juice in a headlock, make him listen, but right now, he's not sure what he'd actually say to him.

 

He rings for a pizza instead, leaves it to go cold on the side. In a few hours, the lad'll be starving and the only thing Juice likes better than pepperoni pizza is cold pepperoni pizza. 

 

He fills his paper cup from yesterday and takes a nice long glug. Better than Lucozade when you're fresh outta the ring. 

 

&&&

 

Juice manages to get the bleeding to stop, finally. He explores his nose with cautious fingers and finds it isn't broken. God knows how the bitch manages it. Just that right bit of pressure, hard enough blow like that could drive the bones in your nose into your brain, and then you'd be dead. Juice remembers his boxing coach telling them all that. It scared the hell out of him, but Jo Jo had just taken it in like she was thinking it all through, and he's pretty sure she's been experimenting with the knowledge ever since.

 

It's a bad idea to go out. He could run into anyone, get in real trouble, but he needs time to think. Time to work out what it is his step dad wasn't quite saying on those voice-mail messages. Time away from people who think they know it all.

 

Chibs' eyes follow him as he comes out of the bathroom, roots around in his bag for a fresh t shirt and pulls it on, covers it with a sweater and tugs the hood up. Chibs says nothing as Juice pulls the door open, clicks it shut behind him. The cold air is like a slap in the face, stings his nose as he tries to breath around all the clotted blood. 

 

&&&

 

'Where's my idiot brother?' Jo Jo doesn't bother with niceties, just shoulders her way into the motel room, calmly looks around her.

 

'Clearin' his head.' Chibs shuts the door behind her and goes back to his little nest on the bed. He tries to see what she's seeing: bed made neatly on one side, a mess of rucked up sheets on the other, two kit bags with their contents strewn like innards onto the floor around them. Half empty bottle of Scotch and a paper cup. Pizza boxes stacked up on the TV. 

 

'Yeah, he sulks worse than a chick...' Jo Jo opens the first pizza box, rolls her eyes at the sight of plain margarita and opens the next one. Takes a slice of the pepperoni one and bites into it as she sits on the chair in the corner. Aside from the slow movement of her jaw, she's a study in stillness. If it were Juice, he'd be making moaning sounds about the wonderful taste of the pizza, jiggling one leg and talking with his mouth full. Jo Jo barely even breathes.

 

'You never told him?'

 

'He didn't need to know.' 

 

If it were Juice, he'd have shrugged. Jo Jo doesn't move. Even her voice is still, toneless. 

 

'Someone told you your sister was getting messed with, what'd you do? Kill the guy?' She swivels her eyes up to meet his.

 

Chibs doesn't need to think to answer that one. Anyone did that to Frankie, they'd not live long after. And if it was his old man doing it... 'Aye. Cut 'em into a million pieces.'

 

'Yeah. Lotta weight to carry.' 

 

And that's it, isn't it? To Jo Jo and the rest of them, Juicy is just their stupid brother, to be protected and laughed at. They don't know he has brothers who would die, or kill, for him. They don't know that the guy knows his way around an AK like he was born with it in his hand, that he can be relied upon to kill when he has to, if he has to, for his brothers. 

 

Yeah, finding out that his sisters had been abused by his step father would crush the lad, but in spite of what they might think of him, he would be capable of avenging them, whether he could withstand the 'weight' of it or not. 

 

'Stupid little shit. He was like this when we were kids too- whining cause he thinks he's being left out...' 

 

There aren't that many occasions when violence against women is something Chibs approves of, but right now he thinks Jo Jo could do with a good twatting. 

 

Jo snorts softly, shakes her head like she's shaking something loose. 'When we were kids, their old man, Marnie an' Carlito's, he used to have visitation time once a month.' 

 

She leans forward, holds out one hand and Chibs hands over his smokes and the lighter. She takes a long drag, head back, exhales through her nose in two long smoky streams. 'So dad did this thing where, 'cause they were getting a treat, he'd take me an' Luisa out. Milkshake.' 

 

Another drag and she rests the hand holding her cigarette on the arm of the chair. 'Used to send me into the Dairy Queen with the money, and he'd be in the car waiting. With Luisa.' 

 

She turns the cigarette sideways, watches the ash building on the end. 'I'd get back and my sister'd be all weird, and I'd know it'd happened again. An' he'd done it to her, an' I couldn't stop it 'cause it woulda been her or me.' She gives her head a quick shake, like she'd like to smack herself for her cowardice. 'We'd go home, and Carlos'd be crying 'cause his dad didn't show, and he'd missed out on a fucking milkshake...' 

 

'It's not his fault,' Chibs says softly. 'He was a kid and he didn't know. Only person whose fault this is-'

 

'Yeah, I know.' Her eyes flicker down to her feet for a moment and her lips go all thin like Juice's do when he's feeling guilty. 'Old habits though, you know? Ain't his fault, what happened when we was kids, but, we been covering for him ever since. That hacking shit he pulled just made it worse. He's always going on about how hard he had it, but he don't know shit. '

 

'So, tell him.' Chibs wants to shake her, shake her till she opens her eyes, sees what Juice has grown into. He wants her to see the guy he'd trust the lives of his daughter and his wife to, the guy who Chibs' drunk and feckless old man raves on about. The guy who can make any computer programme or electronic device bend to his will.

 

'No.' Jo crumples her cigarette into the ash tray. 'Carlito's soft, like his old man. Weak.' She spits that final word out. It's the most emotion Chibs has seen from her.

 

&&&

 

Juice spends most of the evening hidden in the shadows of the dive bar near the motel. He keeps his hood up, head down, and only speaks to order more beer. He's still paranoid he'll get spotted. Nearly leaps out of his skin when he hears a cop siren, and has to duck down an alley until it's passed. 

 

He gets back to the motel late, finds Chibs slumped in front of the TV set. The ashtray he's got balanced on his chest is close to overflowing and the liquid line on the Scotch bottle is pretty damned low. Still, though, one bottle in three days isn't bad, by Chibs' standards. Assuming of course, it's the same bottle...

 

'Pizza's on the side.' 

 

There's a piece missing. 

 

'Jo Jo was here.' 

 

Juice shrugs, takes the box over to the neat side of the bed and dumps it there while he toes off his boots, takes Chibs' ashtray and empties it in the trash, brings it back. 

 

It feels like days since he last ate, and the bar he was sat in served shitty beer. He attacks three slices, too engrossed to talk. 

 

Chibs just watches him, something close to a smile quirking one side of his lips. 'Enjoying that?'

 

'Uh hum...' Juice casts around for something to drink and Chibs rolls his eyes, tells him to hold on, and clambers off of his side of the bed, steps out into the hallway in his socked feet. Returns a minute later with a can from the machine in the hallway. 'Cool.'

 

Chibs snorts and when Juice stops scarfing to open his cola can, he reaches over, grasps Juice's chin in his hand, angles him towards the light to inspect the horror story that is his face. 'Nah... Not finished colouring up yet...'

 

Juice has been studiously avoiding his reflection since he got the bleeding to stop. He'd have been happier without the update. 'What'd Jo want?'

 

'Checkin' on you. You all better, now?' Chibs rubs a spot of something off of Juice's chin, probably tomato sauce. 

 

'Yeah, I just...' Juice shrugs. The rush of black he'd felt earlier, walking into the kitchen and finding Chibs and his sisters talking without him, pretty much left his body the minute he got outside. Only thing he's been able to think about since is those voice-mail messages. 

 

He's no idea what to do with it, though. It's stupid, impossible. There's no way they're what they sound like, it's just his brain being all paranoid. It won't go away though, not yet. He thinks about telling Chibs. Trouble is, patient as the guy is, he's gonna laugh his ass off and Juice will feel like a total idiot. 'Was Marnie okay?'

 

'Yeah, you muppet. She was more worried about you than about herself.' Chibs gets a hold of Juice's wrist, tugs him over and Juice has to do some serious balancing to stop his drink and pizza going everywhere. The TV is showing some stupid movie- All My Children, by the looks of things. 

 

'What'd Jo Jo say?'

 

&&&

 

Juicy mutters and curses as he tries to keep his balance, and then he hits on the magic combination of wriggle and glare to get everything to settle and stay put. 

 

A moment later, he's all cosied up with his head resting on Chibs' shoulder, coke can leaning dangerously and threatening Chibs' trouser leg with it's contents. Lad still looks like he could shatter into pieces or burst into tears at any minute. Really, Chibs would like to just sit here and cuddle him, and any conversations about Juice's sisters and his step dad, or whatever the hell it was that made Juice skip town, can just wait until morning when they're both thinking more clearly.

 

‘What’d Jo Jo say?’

 

'Not much,' Chibs says, and Juice seems willing to accept it, nods and fidgets, gets his wallet out of his back pocket and throws it in the direction of the floor, shifts so that he's lying with his head in Chibs' lap. Probably more comfortable on his bruises. 

 

Juice's eyes slip shut. 

 

'Hey, don't fall asleep like that.' 

 

'Jus' five minutes...' Juice already sounds like he's sleeping and Chibs hasn't the heart to move him just yet.

 

He thinks back to what had happened at the house that day: Jo Jo not wanting her father left alone with the little girls, Marnie's suspicion of Chibs. He thinks about what might make a woman with five kids in her house take a bunch of pills and slash her wrists in the bathtub.

He wonders how much of it Juice has put together, has a feeling he's pretty close to it but his brain is just showing him tiny glimpses so that the lad's hovering, slowly lifting the rock to peek under it, daring himself to look at the awful thing beneath. 

 

It's not exactly that Juice is weak, not the way his sisters seem to believe, it's just that the lad is always so broken-hearted when he learns what kind of shit people are capable of. Chibs would be quite happy to keep some small corner of the world Disney-shiny just for Juice.


	5. Chapter 5

Chibs spends another day kicking the football around with Mika, and Jo Jo comes out to join them. They're both pretty fast on their feet, Mika, bouncing the ball off Chibs' head while he's having a sneaky smoke, and from the step Juice laughs his arse off. 

 

'Shouldn't you be doin' something else, Juicy?' 

 

'Nah.' Juice nods his head at his can of soda. 'I'm on a break.' Lad's got a smear of what looks like it might be baby food on his cheek and he's mid-way through trying to get a bald Barbie doll into its slinky little pink dress, Marta grizzling impatiently beside him.

 

The lad had spent a long moment in a tearful hug with Marnie when they got here this morning, apologising and getting snot all over each other. It was kinda sweet, really. 

 

Jo Jo had just told Juice he looked like roadkill, slapped him hard on the shoulder and taken his cigarettes off him. Now, she wanders over, takes the Barbie off Juice and pulls Marta into her lap. She says something to Juicy that makes him go all pink and goofy, his eyes searching for Chibs' and holding his gaze for a long moment. Then, he gets to his feet, steps in to take Jo Jo's place in the game.

 

The football game turns into a kind of football-basketball hybrid since Juice can't kick a ball to save his life and Chibs can't get a ball in a hoop without his reading glasses on. 

 

On the step, Jo Jo teaches Marta to cheer whenever anyone manages anything that resembles a goal, yells kiddie-friendly insults at whichever one of them loses out. 

 

Chibs swaps out with Jo Jo when he's about ready for heart failure, and the game turns into a boxing lesson for Mika, Juice retreating to the safety of the back step, next to Chibs, his face all shiny and dappy.

 

'Hey, keep your guard up.' Jo hunches in low so she's a little closer in height to the kid, gets him mirroring her moves. Beside Chibs, Juice ducks around, watching each parry with a keen eye.

 

'Jo, that gym still out on Sixteenth?'

 

Jo doesn't break her eye contact with Mika. 'Yeah. Ain't Stan's no more, though. His kid took over.'

 

'What, Tony? Jeez...'

 

'Yeah. Ain't no good for boxing no more, but the place is making money, now.' 

 

Juice tucks his hands under his arse, his face all thoughtful. 'That's a shame. Stan was a badass.'

 

'Yeah... Saved my ass a bunch of times...' Jo extends her fist in a slow motion cuff to Mika's cheek, shows him where the move came from, which way to weave next time it comes. Her expression is as watchful as always but something flickers for a second, then it's gone. 

 

'Jo an' me used to go there when we were kids,' Juice explains. 'We dressed like each other so people'd think it was me, boxing, then I could go hang out at the arcade while Jo beat the shit out of anyone that got in the ring with her.' Chibs looks from one to the other and he can almost see it. 'I remember Stan coming round to the apartment once... Didn't he get in a fight with Hernan?'

 

Jo nods, once. 'Yeah. That time I got stitches... Walked into a cupboard door.' She raises one eyebrow at Chibs, then goes back to watching Mika's moves. 'I called Stan from the ER 'cause I didn't wanna go home, an' he marched me straight there anyway. Told dad if he wanted a fight that bad, to come to the gym and put his gloves on. Said if he ever hit me again, he'd regret it.' Jo shadows a couple of jabs, motions for Mika to copy her and he does. 'Didn't work though. Dad just put Carlos in the hospital instead...' Jo pauses for a second, locks eyes with Juice, and for a second, there's that flicker of something again. Then, Mika sees his chance, lands a punch that snaps Jo's head back, and she stumbles a step or two.

 

'Go, Mika!' Juicy calls out and the kid raises his fists in victory. 

 

Jo gets her head back up the right way, breaks into a grin. 'Sneaky, little man. Gettin' as good at this as your uncle...' 

 

Juice bursts into a shy grin, hides it by ducking his head down and Jo just laughs at him. 'Come on, man, it's just like Spanish. Only reason you couldn't fight for shit when we was kids's 'cause you didn't wanna.' 

 

&&&

 

Juice takes Luisa flowers and Gatorade because what the hell else would he take her? She ignores the flowers, says she hates Gatorade. Since fucking when?

 

'Why are you here?'

 

'Uh... hi! Good to see you're uh... awake.' Yesterday Juice had been staring at his little sister, wishing she'd open her eyes, stop looking like a dead body. Now she's awake, he wishes she'd go back to sleep. 

 

'Stupid idiot,' Luisa mutters. Then, 'Where's my kids?'

 

'Uh, Mika's outside but...' They're too little for this, he thinks, wishes Jo Jo would hurry up and get out of the Ladies', come rescue him. 

 

Luisa sits up, her eyes wild. 'Get my fucking kids here, asshole.' 

 

'Fine! Whatever.' Juice gets out of the seat he was half way to sitting in, hurries back through the ward to the corridor, nearly walks straight into Jo.

 

'Butt-munch! What's wrong with you?'

 

'Ask her.' The doors bang shut behind him and it feels good being out in the cool corridor after the heat of the ward. 

 

Mika and Chibs look up expectantly and Juice immediately feels like an idiot. 'Your mom's asking for you, Mika.. Go on, your aunt's waiting.' He holds the door open and Mika looks over at Chibs. The Scot shrugs, gestures for the kid to go and Juice slumps into the seat that's left behind.

 

'Short visit.'

 

'Yeah.' Juice shudders. 

 

Chibs bumps his shoulder against Juice's. 

 

'Shit, man, I told you she was psycho.' 

 

Chibs gets to his feet, taps at one of Juice's boots with his own. 'Come on, let's get a smoke. Carlito.'

 

Jo Jo comes out to find them, Mika at her side. She flicks her eyes from Chibs to her nephew and back again and Juice finds himself standing alone, Chibs suddenly wanting a soda even though he fucking hates the stuff. Mika runs to keep up with him and Juice watches them disappear towards the vending machines in the main entrance. 

It occurs to him that there aren't many people who get to tell Chibs what to do. Ranking members of the MC, Tara when its anything medical, and Gemma when it's the garage. Even Fiona has to wheedle and cajole, and everyone else just asks politely. It's pretty funny watching the guy being all obedient. Jo Jo just seems to bring out the sub in everyone.

 

'Gimme a cigarette.' Jo settles herself against the wall next to Juice, one hand held out, palm up.

 

'Fuck off. Buy your own damned cigarettes!' Juice shrugs her off but he knows he's only putting off the inevitable. 

 

'Why?' She reaches into Juice's jacket pocket, relieves him of smokes and lighter. He has no idea why she does that, she doesn't even smoke properly, just lights up, takes a couple of puffs, doesn't inhale, and then leaves it to burn down. A total waste.

 

'Said I'd bring the baby and Mika tomorrow. The others'll be too scared.' Jo Jo decides she doesn't like the bit of wall she's leaning against, shoves Juice along with her hip and takes the section he was standing against. 

 

'Yeah. You remember mom?'

 

'Yeah. Luisa gets it now.' 

 

And that's just typical, isn't it? Seeing their mom dying in a hospital had given Luisa nightmares for months but only Jo Jo can get her to realise it. Everything Juice says is wrong and stupid. 

 

'Jo...' Juice fiddles with his lighter, tries to get the words straight in his head. 'Did you listen to her voice-mail?'

 

'Forget it.' Jo Jo keeps her gaze straight ahead, her tone disinterested as always, but Juice knows her too well, he knows that her ears are pricking up and she knows precisely what he's talking about.

 

Juice looks at her, thinks to himself, should I? Looking through the photo album Luisa has, after he'd listened to those messages, Juice had finally seen it: a million pictures of him and his sisters and their mom but not one of Hernan. Finally known what it meant.

 

Jo Jo turns to look him square in the face. 'It's done. I called him. He ain't telling that guy about you an' he ain't getting near those kids.' 

 

Juice takes a breath. 'Okay,' he says. 'That's cool.' Jo Jo gives him a little shove with her elbow and he shifts away, rubbing at where there's gonna be another bruise. 'Jesus, Jo...'

 

'Pussy,' she says. She blows three effortless smoke rings, then stubs her cigarette out. Only an inch of it's been smoked.

 

&&&

 

Juice kicks off his boots the minute they get in the door of the motel. He stretches, hands hitting the light fitting, and announces he's gonna go get a shower.

 

'Aye, yeah.' Chibs brushes the back of his hand over the flash of skin in the small of Juice's back where his t shirt has ridden up. He opens the bottle of Scotch sitting on the side and fishes out the paper cup Juice chucked in the wastepaper basket. 'Leave me some water, eh?'

 

He makes himself at home on the double bed, glares at his own boots but can't be arsed to unlace them yet. He finds the TV remote, gets Fox News up and then has a good scowl because you can't get decent news in this country... 

 

The next thing he knows, Juice is prodding his hand. Musta nodded off.

 

'Hey, come on, I ran you a bath.' Lad's wearing his shorts and t shirt, his skin all flushed from having the water too hot. Juice doesn't let go of Chibs' hand now he's got his attention, he uses it to coax Chibs to his feet, leads him into steamed up bathroom. Chibs can't remember the last time someone ran him a bath. 

 

They sit, Chibs in the tub, Juice on the floor with his back leaning against it, his knees drawn up and his chin resting on them. There are mold spots on the ceiling tiles but the bath looks clean enough. Chibs figures that Juicy probably scrubbed it out first, girl that he is.

 

Juice is quiet but there's a restless air to him, like he's worrying something over in his head. Chibs could ask. Knows better. Asking questions'll just make the lad clam up. Silence though, Juice just has to fill silence.

 

'I... I was screening my calls an'...' Juice stares down at his bare toes, picks at the nail on one of them.

 

'How long?'

 

'A bunch of times, starting last week. She called Jo Jo, too, but Jo does the same thing when it's Luisa.' 

 

'Luisa normally call yer if she's in trouble?' Chibs places one wet hand on the back of Juice's neck, gives it a rub. Feels tight.

'No. Only when it's money and it wasn't.' Juice finds something of interest on his big toe, worries at it some. 'Me an' Marn have been paying her utility bills and she's all up to date...'

 

'What else?'

 

'There-' Juice halts, takes a wet sounding breath and his shoulders hunch up so he can wipe his face on one of them. 'I checked her voice-mail. There was a bunch of messages from dad- my step dad. He wanted to go stay with her, wanted to see the kids... He was talking about them goin' to stay with him some time...'

 

'Yeah? Guess Mika'd be old enough, little uns'd be a bit young still...' Chibs hunts around for the flannel, wrings it out and drapes over the back of Juice's neck, presses it down so the heat of the water can work its magic on the lad. 

 

'That's the thing though. Wasn't talking about Mika. He was talking about the girls, Rosie and Marta. An' it was... It was like he expected her to let him, like...'

 

'Like what?' 

 

Juice shrugs. 'Don't know. He's-' another shuddering breath and whatever it is Juice has been doing to his toe seems to pay off because he gasps, tuts and fidgets. Reaches over to the roll of bog paper on the wall, tears off a strip and starts to dab away at his foot. 'Dad always preferred the girls when we were growing up.' 

 

'Juicy, what are you saying?' 

 

'What? No, forget it. Forget I said anything.' Juice gets to his feet, flushes the bloody bog roll and walks out of the bathroom. The wet flannel lies discarded on the bathroom floor.

 

'Hey! Put a plaster on that!'

 

&&&

 

Juice puts the TV on, stands, flicking through the channels a few times before Chibs swipes it off him, hits the off switch and throws the remote aside on the chair in the corner. He turns Juice to face him and holds his chin firmly in his hand. Guy's got a bath towel wrapped round his middle and he's still dripping wet. It'd be totally hot if it wasn't happening right now.

 

'It's okay, I'm just being dumb, just saying stuff out loud-'

 

'Juicy, stop it now.' Chibs voice isn't angry though, he's quiet, sad-sounding, and he lets go of Juice's chin to pull him close, and Juice just kind of falls against him, lets the guy hold him up because his body feels too heavy and staying upright takes too much effort. 

 

'He did it to Jo Jo too, didn't he?' Juice can't even understand a word he's saying because his voice is all strangled with tears but Chibs has always been able to figure it out. 'An to Marnie...'

 

Juice can feel the spaghetti Marnie had cooked for them all earlier in the evening rising like heat in his throat. He thinks of Marnie, her patient finger running along under the words as she tried to teach him to read. 

 

He thinks about Jo Jo, the way she was always right there between him and Hernan, silent and unflinching.

 

He thinks about Luisa, the way she flits from doll-like cuteness, to overwhelming hatred and back again.

 

They've been covering for him for his whole life. He should have done something. Has no idea what, just knows he should.

 

Chibs rubs one hand up and down Juice's back and it's so nice that Juice could just stay like this forever, if he could get his brain to stop thinking, to stop showing him horrible things he doesn't ever want to imagine. 

 

Chibs walks him back across the room, sits him down on the bed. 'That foot still bleeding?' Juice shrugs and Chibs picks it up, examines it, one thumb brushing over the ragged hangnail. He rolls his eyes and gets to his feet, goes into the bathroom and comes back out with some toilet tissue, wraps a strip around Juice's toe. Looks pretty funny, but it's better than blood on the sheets. 

 

&&&

 

'He did it to Jo an' Marn but then he stopped.' Juice's voice sounds all distant, like he's in shock or falling asleep, or a million miles underground. The lad's eyes are huge, watching Chibs' face like he wants answers. Trouble is, it's not Chibs who knows the answers, not really. They're all locked away inside of Juice, all the stuff he ignored growing up.

 

Chibs coaxes Juice into the bed, tucks the blankets and sheets up around him and sits himself on the edge of the mattress. Curled up on his side, Juice looks like some lost boy, too small in the queen sized bed. Chibs brushes one hand over the lad's cheek and Juice grabs a hold of it, holds it there.

 

'He stopped 'cause he liked Luisa better,' he says softly. 'An' they were all hiding it so I wouldn't find out.' 

 

'Yeah. Yeah I know. They wanted to protect you...' Chibs rubs his thumb back and forth over Juice's cheekbone and presses a kiss to his forehead. 'Come on, move over.' He tugs off his towel, slides between the sheets and Juice wriggles over, tucks the blankets back in around them both. Chibs's mostly dry now, anyway, and besides, fuck it, right?

 

'There's more, though.' Juice's hands are cold when he tucks them in around Chibs' middle. Normally Chibs would hiss and grumble, but right now it feels like Juice is on the verge of something. 

 

'He uh... That guy who was... Him an' Hernan were friends... Hernan's the one made me hack that stuff for him...' Juice sniffs, wipes his nose on the back of his hand and then ducks his hand back under the covers. It's slimy against Chibs' chest. 'On the voice-mail, he was talking about telling him where I was if Luisa didn't--'

 

'Jesus fucking Christ!' Chibs lets his head fall back against the pillow. What a fucking mess. Poor girl had to choose between pimping her kids or ratting on her brother. She made the right choice, but it must have broken her...

 

'Jo says she fixed it with him, but I gotta do something.' Juice says. He's still got that lost voice on. 'Can't just let it--'

 

'Aye, lad. I know.' Chibs wraps his arms around Juice's shoulders. 'Leave it for now, though, eh? We're not letting that bastard near your sisters, or those kiddies.'

 

'Luisa an' Marn don't know I know,' Juice says softly. Chibs gives his shoulders a squeeze, reaches awkwardly around to the bedside table and snaffles them both a smoke, lights them and hands one over. Juice sits up on one elbow but mostly he just stares at the rose. 'They think they're protecting me. Think I won't be able to handle it.'

 

'Maybe.' There's an eyelash resting on Juice's cheek. Chibs reaches out, lifts it free as carefully as he can so as to not hurt the lad's bruises. 'What if they were protecting you 'cause it was all they could do?' 

 

Juice's eyes flicker up to meet Chibs'. He looks like he's thinking it over. 

 

'Maybe it’s better than nothing, keeping one a you free of it.' Chibs grabs the ashtray, rests it on his chest and Juice flicks the ash into it, his eyes heavy on Chibs' own like he's waiting for wisdom or something profound. Fat chance of that. 'Let 'em have that, eh? Let 'em think they scored a point against that fucker.' 

 

Juice stares off into space for a long moment, then he nods, once, stubs his cigarette out and lies back down. 'Yeah. Yeah, okay.' He doesn't look any happier about it, but he rolls over, gets his pillow punched into position and after a while, his breathing evens out. 

 

Chibs lies still for a moment, watches the rise and fall of Juice's shoulders and back as he starts to snore. He brushes one knuckle up and down the lad's spine and Juice sighs and murmurs something, wriggles backwards until his arse hits Chibs' hip. Then, Chibs can snake his arm around Juice's neck, hold him close while he finishes his smoke.

 

He's been churning it all over in his head and really, the answer's so obvious it's practically neon. When he's sure Juice is too far gone to be disturbed by anything but gunshots, he slides away out of bed, pulls his jeans and boots on.

 

&&&

 

Happy is watching some blonde chick's head bobbing up and down on his cock when his cell goes off. The pre-pay, not the one his mom calls him on. The voice at the other end is almost lost in a ramshackle mix of bad music and echoing shouts- sounds like a payphone in the back of any bar, anywhere. 

 

'Need a favour, brother. Something like that little bottle of end-game Piney used to keep on him?' 

 

Happy shoves the girl aside, zips up and takes the tequila up to the roof. He rolls himself a smoke while Chibs tells him his problem and then he says he'll call one of his buddies in the New York charter, they can get him what he needs.

 

He hangs up and heads back downstairs to look for blondie again.


	6. Chapter 6

Juice has this shuttered look to him as they walk up the pathway to Luisa's house in the morning. Chibs knows that look, it means he's trying to tamp it all down, all his thoughts, all of the words he can't make work. 

 

Chibs had woken this morning to find Juice pacing up and down the walkway outside the motel room. He'd been without his sweater or cut and he was almost blue with cold. 

 

'Chibbie, I can't-' Juice had looked like hell, like he'd been awake for hours. Chibs had thrown his sweater at him, dragged him to the diner on the corner and poured hot coffee into him until he started to thaw out. 

 

They'd sat in a booth, surrounded by empty tables, talked in low voices.

 

'I don't know what to do. I gotta fix this thing with Hernan an' I don't know how to... Luisa's a mess, she's always been a mess but now it's... I mean, what the hell do I say to her?'

 

'I know, sweetheart.' If Juice was surprised by the endearment, he didn't let it show, just traced patterns on the Formica with a dribble of coffee from his cup. 'But I got no answers for yer. Maybe, leave him be for a bit, see how the dust settles. An' with yer sister, just follow her lead, eh?'

 

Now, on Luisa's doorstep, Chibs gives Juice's shoulder a quick squeeze as the lad wrestles with key and lock, and Juice throws him a grateful look. Then, the door's open and their names are being squealed by an army of ankle biters.

 

Juice picks both of his nieces up, hugs them close and who can blame him, really? 

 

Chibs scoops Antonio up before the kid can make a break for the stairs, stashes him under one arm as he follows Juicy in search of Jo Jo. When he finds them both, they're doing this strangely polite exchange of how are you's, and it'd be hilarious if it wasn't so fucking sad. Juice and his closest sister usually just smack each other and growl insults. 

 

Then Chibs sees the reason why they're on their best behaviour. Hunched up on the sofa, sits what he presumes is Luisa. Jo Jo's standing in front of her like a guardian angel or something, between Luisa and danger.

 

Luisa's tiny, transparent almost. Dressed in pajamas and a bathrobe, she has bandages circling her wrists. Fine boned as a bird and pale as a ghost, she has the same eyes as Jo Jo, and while on Juanita they're cool and closed, on Luisa, they're what you see in those kids charity adverts.

 

'They discharged you?' Juice doesn't bother with any preamble but Luisa doesn't seem inclined to answer, she just tucks her feet up under herself and looks up at him like something she scraped off her shoe.

 

'They agreed, providing I stayed here,' Marnie says, coming out of the kitchen. She presses a kiss to Juice's cheek and pries the girls off of him, shoos them upstairs. She gives Chibs a long look and he follows her into the kitchen. Whatever Juicy and his baby sister have to say to each other is lost as Antonio decides that now is the time to start wailing. 

 

'She's better off at home with me,' Marnie says, taking Antonio off of Chibs and lifting him up to sniff his nappy. She holds him close and he's instantly mesmerised by the little silver locket she wears around her neck.

 

'How are you gonna work?' 

 

'Jo Jo's gonna stay. Between us we can...' 

 

And that's it, isn't it, they can't have their little brother hanging around, getting in the way, causing trouble with the local bad guys. Not when they've their sister to care for and they've already divvied up the tasks and chores to make sure they cover all their bases. Chibs thinks back to the night before, Juicy, a wreck in his arms, blaming himself and feeling useless. Jesus fucking Christ. 

 

'Take him home, okay?'

 

'Look, Marnie, it's not right to try an' keep him out like this-' Chibs can hear Jo Jo's footsteps but this needs saying, so he just lowers his voice to a hiss. 'He's a part a your family, too, an’ he-'

 

'You think I don't know that?' Antonio starts up, grizzling, and Marnie takes him over to the doorway, shoves him into Jo Jo's arms as she walks in. 'Go change him, Chica.' She closes the kitchen door quietly and stands against it. 

 

She looks utterly exhausted, the tiny lines around her eyes, deeper than usual. It occurs to Chibs that Marnie has been carrying this family since she was a child, raising her siblings, managing her step-father and making decisions no child should have to make. It's not surprising she's made a few mistakes. 

 

'Look.' Marnie takes a breath, reaches up to tuck her hair behind her ears, crosses her arms across her chest like she's trying to protect herself. He's seen that exact same pose on Juicy a million times before. 

 

'I need to keep my sister and her kids together. Luisa's not good around people right now. She barely tolerates Juanita, and her and Carlos always fight...' Marnie sighs, lets her head fall back against the door like she's searching the ceiling for answers 'You know what happened when Carlos was born? He ever tell you?'

 

'No. What happened?' Chibs settles himself against the counter. 

 

'Mama, she uh... she was kind of a mess. Papa'd left an' she had me already, and my step-father, he was already on the scene. I think she might have given Carlos up for adoption, just because it was easier...' Marnie's eyes start welling up with tears. She crosses the kitchen, pulls up a stool at the breakfast bar and sits down. 'Her labour started real early and she couldn't get to the hospital in time. We were on our own in the apartment and I delivered him. I was six.' She presses her hands down onto the counter top. 'And the uh.... the cord, it was wrapped around his neck, and he was all floppy and blue and we thought he'd died...' Marnie raises her hands to gesture the cord, relives tugging it free. 'I remember, I held him and I was rubbing his back, like I used to do to my dolls, you know? And mama, she kept saying, no chica, no, put him down, he's dead, he's dead... But he wasn't-'

Marnie's voice breaks, turns into a little whispered squeak, but Chibs is used to listening to Juice when he's a mess, and he long since learned to translate. He moves to put an arm around her, like he would with Juicy, but Marnie holds up one hand in warning. She takes a few deep breaths, pulling the air into her lungs and out through her pursed lips. Then, when she's recovered a little, she carries on. 

'Mama kept him because of me, because I begged her to.' She raises her head to meet Chibs' eye and her face is proud. 'Carlos, more than any of them, is like my own child.' Despite her tears, she breaks into a smile, open and happy, for the first time since Chibs met her. 'And he was always so sensitive and so sweet.' Her smile softens and then fades as she gets lost in her own memories. 'I couldn't keep Hernan away from my sisters but I managed to protect him, my little Mijo. If Carlito found out what had happened, it would crush him. And if anything ever happened to him, it would crush me.' Her face hardens again and she gets to her feet. 'So, for my sake, you take him home, and you keep him safe.' She yanks the door open, turns back to face him and the set of her jaw is so like Juice, steeling himself for some horrible task. 'And I will look after my sisters.' 

 

Before Chibs can think what to say in reply, the sound of Luisa and Juicy yelling at each other wafts into the kitchen. 

 

'I came all this way to help you, you bitch!'

 

'Why'd you gotta be such a fucking retard, huh?'

 

Chibs has no option but to follow Marnie as she stomps towards the raised voices, her lips already formed around her first curses. 

 

'Goddamn it, what is wrong with you two? You can't be nice for five minutes? Carlito, time out, I mean it!' And then Juice is forcing his way past Chibs, heading for the back door, his face red and tight. 

 

Marnie shuts Luisa and herself in the living room, leaves Chibs stood in the hallway like an idiot. 

 

He finds Jo Jo already parked up on the stairs, Antonio trying to crawl out of her arms. At the top of the staircase, Mika waits with his two sisters, his face impassive. 

 

'This normal, then?' Chibs asks as he sits himself next to Jo Jo. 

 

She grins. 'This? No one's bleeding.' 

 

Chibs thinks of his own kid sister. They've not fought since they were kids. He remembers giving her the odd Chinese burn, and once, he'd dared her to drink washing up liquid, but annoying as she could be, he was always protective of her, and she was just as protective of him. 

 

Growing up with a mam and da warring all the time, they'd learned to stick together. 

 

When Frankie'd been about to take a gulp of the Fairy Liquid, he'd smacked the bottle out of her hand, told her only idiots do things on a dare.

 

'This in't normal,' he tells Jo Jo.

 

Jo just shrugs, calls up the stairs for the kids to put their coats on, they're going to the park. 'Come on,' she beckons him. 'I wanna smoke.'

 

&&&

 

Juice just wants to be home, back in Charming. He thinks about the tiny house he shares with Chibs, and their stupid, ugly cat, and he feels it like an ache in his chest. He wants to be sat at the bar in the clubhouse, his laptop open before him, bitching at whoever borrowed it last for spilling beer on the keys. He wants to be curled up in his own bed, listening to Chibs, rattling around downstairs. He wants to be on his bike, surrounded by sky, with just the road beneath him. 

 

He wants to go back to dreading his baby sister calling him on his cell, knowing it'll just be for money, and to know that she's a fucking psycho who's always hated everything and everyone, for no good reason, other than that she's a spoilt brat. 

 

He never wants to look at Luisita and see a damaged little girl, afraid and alone. But of course, now that's all he sees. 

 

He steps outside to call the airline, make sure they can get seats for tomorrow. 

 

He's listening to the worst 'on hold' music in the history of the world when Jo steps out of the house, zipping up her jacket and wrestling with the stroller. In the doorway, Marta and Rosie are working their way up to a fight, Marta pinching Rosie and Rosie telling tales.

 

'What's happening?' Juice shoves the mouthpiece of his cellphone under his chin and watches as Jo pulls the little girls apart, sending one to one side of the step and one to the other like she's banishing two boxers to their corners in the ring. 'You're going out?'

 

Jo just looks at him as if to say, what, you wanna stay here? 'Luisa's crying,' she says.

 

'Oh shit. Damnit, I didn't mean to--'

 

'Relax, ain't you. Marn's dealing with it.' Jo ducks back indoors, returns with the baby and gets him stowed away in the stroller. She pauses, looks back up at Juice, still on hold with the airline. 'What?'

 

Juice has no idea what to say. He wants to be away, far away and for none of this to be happening. His eyes are burning. He really doesn't need for Jo Jo to see him crying. He shrugs. 

 

Jo looks at him and sighs. 'Jesus, man, stop beatin' yourself up over everything. Ain't your fault. Just... shit happens, you know?' 

 

'Yeah, I know, I just--' Juice looks past Jo to the closed door the the den, where Luisa's probably sobbing her heart out in Marnie's arms. 

 

Jo follows his gaze with her own, shakes her head. 'Look man, you gotta get outta here. Whole place is fucking poison an' you gotta life back there, huh?' 

Juice doesn't know what to say to that so he just looks down at his nieces. Marta's drawing on her sister's face with marker pen. 

Jo gives him a long look but she says nothing. She goes to the door, calls out into the house for the rest of the kids. Reaches into her pocket for something to wipe off the pen. It doesn't budge. 

Juice has memories of being dragged around the supermarket with felt pen lip stick and blusher, thanks to Jo Jo. He remembers Marnie pinning him down to clean it off with a bottle of nail polish remover. It had fucking stung.

'Hey, leave it. It'll come off in a couple of days.' The dude at the airline finally comes back to him with his seat booking confirmed.

 

&&&

 

Juice is sleeping soundly when Chibs pulls his jeans back on, zips up his jacket. He takes one last look at the lad, brushes a kiss over the top of one cute little ear and closes the door quietly behind him.

 

He meets up with one of Happy's old Nomad buddies at the top of a freeway slip road and the guy hands over the packet he has stashed in his cut. 

 

'You know what you're doing with this?' the guy asks and Chibs just nods. He doesn't wanna hang around and chat. 

 

The guy gives him a long look. 'Listen man, it's good stuff. Just get it in a fat vein, takes less than a minute. Won't know what hit 'em.'

 

&&&

 

Hernan Ortiz has a little place in an assisted living block. He has someone come by in the mornings to get him out of bed and into his arm chair, and they bring his meals by each day for him to heat up in the microwave. He has a little alarm on a lanyard he wears round his neck so he can call the warden if he gets into any difficulty. 

 

He has four kids: three girls and a boy. All a them a pain in the ass. They don't visit, they don't call, they never write. 

 

He had a stroke a while back and had to live with his eldest, Manuella, and she'd been a cold bitch the whole time. Not what he expected from her, since she's not even his blood and he raised her like she was. Got him into this place though, and it's not bad. No stairs, which, after his last apartment, is a blessing.

 

He has a lot of photos. His kids, his grand kids. Eldest's coming up ten now and he's hard work, boys always are. Hernan still remembers having to take a belt to his step son, Juan Carlos. Carlito, little man, the boy's mama used to call him. Mijo. My child. Brought him up soft. Hernan had done his best, but that kid was always gonna be a waste of space. 

 

Juanita, the first of Hernan's own kids, is a tough little thing, shoulda been the boy. Most of the time Hernan can't figure out what the hell happened with her, she's like some sort of warrior.

 

Luisa though, his little Lulu, pretty as a picture and so well behaved. Hernan had taken one look at her and felt it, that clunking feeling people always talk about, true love. He'd known then that all the mistakes he'd made on the others didn't matter because that there was real and worth it.

 

Course, she'd turned against him in the end. Her sisters did that, poisoned her against him. But, those babies of hers, Rosa and Marta, both as perfect as their mother had been at that age. 

 

Hernan hears a soft thud and tries to recall whether he'd got them to shut the window in the other room. He always tells them to, but they don't listen to an old man like him. 

 

He thinks he might still be dreaming when a shadowed figure appears in the open doorway to his bedroom. By the time he realises it's not a dream, the figure is looming closer and has placed a gloved hand over his mouth. He leans down to whisper, and Hernan knows that voice, that accent.

 

'This is so yer kids don't have to,' the guy whispers and then there's a sharp pricking sensation in Hernan's arm, fuzzy tightness crawling its way up, and it's got his heart in its hand, and it's squeezing, squeezing, squeezing. 

 

Part Seven

 

Juice is still sleeping when Chibs creeps back into the motel room, crawls onto the bed beside him. He doesn't even bother getting out of his clothes, just wraps his arms around the duvet-covered Juice and holds him close.

 

'That you, babe?' Juice's face is all mashed into the pillow and his words are all merged together, muffled with fabric.

 

'Nah. I'm here to rob the place.' Chibs presses a kiss to Juice's shoulder.

 

'Mm. 'kay.' Juice goes quiet for a moment and Chibs thinks the guy's asleep again. Then, he fidgets and turns in Chibs' arms, hands pushing Chibs' jacket off his shoulders. 'Come on, lose this.' Juice's lips are sleepy on Chibs' own, his mouth a little stale, but his hands are needy, sliding under Chibs' shirt, into his jeans. He pulls the duvet aside to tug Chibs down on top of him and he's hot as a furnace. 

 

'You sure?' Chibs whispers against Juice's mouth. He can hardly see the lad in the dark, but his breath is soft on Chibs' face, and his body is so inviting beneath him. 'Yer tired. Maybe pick this up in the morning?' 

 

Juice shakes his head, reaches up to tug Chibs back down to him. 'Nah. Take my mind off everything.' 

 

This is the last thing Chibs feels like, right now. An hour ago he was standing over a sad old man, listening to his breath stuttering, looking into wide, panicked eyes. 

 

There's still a tight knot of something in his belly and he knows that what he's done is gonna haunt him for a long time to come. It's still better than Juice having to do it, though. Better than Juicy churning himself up with guilt. Chibs has been living with regret all his life, it's a part of him. There's not much he can give the lad in this life, but he can give him one less thing to feel bad about.

 

He presses Juice back against the pillows, slides down to where the lad's cock is tenting the front of his shorts. Juice's knees shift to cradle Chibs' shoulders and his fingers thread through Chibs' hair, but apart from that, he lies quietly, only the occasional gasp or sigh signaling that he's still awake, how close he is to coming. 

 

Chibs isn't going for any awards, not tonight. And, truth be told, Juice isn't really up for a marathon session. Chibs just wants to get Juice off, and fast. He hums low in his throat and fists most of Juice's length as he concentrates on the head. Juice's knees are shaking around him, and a tension is building in the lad's whole frame, little panting breaths, sighs that catch. One of Juice's hands finds the back of Chibs' head and Chibs opens his throat, lets Juice guide him to the rhythm he wants. 

 

There aren't many people in the world Chibs will allow that sort of control. The thing of it is, Juice is the gentlest person Chibs knows. Most people have some sort of tipping point, where they could do you harm if they lost complete control. Juice, though, he's not like that. When it's someone who matters, Juice always pulls his punches.

 

Juice tenses, balls pulling up tight and then he's sighing and falling back against the pillows and there's come dribbling down Chibs' chin. He wipes the worst of it off on the sheets- they're in a motel, after all. 

 

'Hey, you want me to-' Juice uses one hand to gesture vaguely and Chibs snorts as he hauls himself back up the bed.

 

'Nah, rain-check.' He gets Juice turned around again, so the lad's curled up on his side, Chibs wrapped around his back. 'You get toothy when you're tired.' One of Juice's hands finds Chibs', starts fiddling with his fingers. He presses a kiss to the back of Juice's head, tells him to get some sleep.

 

'Yeah...' 

 

He won't. Chibs knows that now the lad's awake and basking in the afterglow, he'll chat away for hours.

 

'Where'd you go to, anyway?'

 

'Nowhere. Just drove around.' If they're gonna be up all night, chewing the fat, Chibs is gonna have a smoke. He pats around the bed until he finds his jacket, gets his fags out of the inside pocket and fights to get one lit since his lighter's almost out of fuel. 

 

He sits up on one elbow to smoke. The alternative would be to sit up properly, but that would take him away from the cozy little mess that is post-coital Juicy, and he's not ready to do that yet. 

 

'In the dweeb-mobile?' Chibs can hear the smile in Juice's voice, even if he can't see it. 'Better than nothing, I guess.'

 

'Not much.' It's not like being on his dyna. Can't think in a car. 

 

Driving back from Hernan's, the thing Chibs had needed, even more than the feel of Juice beside him, had been the feel of his bike beneath him, eating the miles up and spitting them out. Fat chance. His bike's sitting under a tarp at TM along with Juice's. 

 

'Hey, Juicy, tell me something.' Chibs feels Juice shift, cuddles him close. 'How come yer the only one in your family who don't speak any Spanish?'

 

Juice snorts. 'None of us do, not really, 'cept Marnie. Just pet names an' stuff.' 

 

Juice hesitates and Chibs can feel the lad werreting whatever it is around in his head. He strokes one hand over Juice's arm and the lad sighs. 

 

'I... I didn't really talk much when I was little. Marnie always says I didn't start talking till I was nine, and then it was only 'cause Jo was trying to suffocate me and I was yelling for help...' Juice pauses, probably playing his last words back in his head and realising how ridiculous they are. 'I mean, that's not actually how it happened. I wasn't really nine, probably four or five or something...' He goes quiet again. 

 

Chibs can see it. An awkward and tongue-tied little boy. That's pretty much what turned up at TM five years ago. Chibs remembers that the lad used to watch them all, like he was learning how to talk, how to behave, how to be, by watching his brothers. It occurs to him that Juice had never, up until then, had a male role model worth shit. No wonder he idolises Clay, feels all intimidated by Jax and the others. It's probably bullshit, but when Chibs pictures the Ortiz kids, the three girls are right in their mother's face, cheeping for grubs. Juice is the runt in the bottom of the nest, never getting his turn.

 

'Hey, don't let me sleep in tomorrow.' Juice's hand gives Chibs' a reflective squeeze.

 

'Why, you gotta hot date?' 

 

'Nah. It's nothing, I just got stuff to do before we fly out.'

 

'Like what?' Chibs hunts around for the ashtray, taps the worm into it before it can fall on Juice. Juice shrugs, fishes a cigarette of his own out of the packet and starts to battle with the lighter. 'Here, use this.' Chibs takes the cigarette, touches it to his own and hands it over when it's lit. 

 

'Told you. It don't matter.' Juice's voice is all soft, embarrassed. 

 

Chibs gives him a little nudge with his hip. 'Come on, promise I won't laugh.'

'Yeah, you will. It's fine, I'm just being dumb.' Juice barely smokes his cigarette, just flicks ash into the tray, a little tension bleeding in around his shoulders. 

 

Chibs rolls his eyes, sits up and switches on the bedside lamp. They both have to squint.

 

'What?' Juice sits up as well, one hand shielding his eyes from the light. His nose still looks like raw steak. Chibs just gives him the hairy eyeball and Juice sags, sighs, his head falling back against the headboard. 'Okay, fine. I wanna go to church. See, told you it was dumb.' 

 

Juice puts his coffin nail out and starts fiddling with the lamp. It's one of those anglepoise ones, attached to the headboard, and he plays around until he can get it pressed down low over the bedside cabinet, so most of the light is muffled against the crappy Formica . 'I'm gonna go light a candle for my mom.'

 

'Nothing dumb about that.' Chibs has never gone in for the whole candle thing, not like his mam- she lights candles for every family member's birthday, death anniversary, saint’s day, you name it. Most of her phone calls start with the phrase 'Oh, I lit a candle for you, Filip. And for your Auntie Maud, and for that nice man from the post office- the one with the funny wife and the bad hip.' 

 

Chibs likes his god around when he has need of the guy, otherwise he can fuck off about his business. He's found himself worrying his rosary with increasing regularity over the years, but he's never really thought of Juice as being particularly religious. Even though Juice was raised a Catholic, just like Chibs was, he's never known him to actually reach out and touch faith.

 

Juice lays back down on his side, tugs Chibs arm back around him again, like it's a blanket he can keep warm under. 'Just... The church here's the one we used to go to and... If she'd been here still, all this stuff that's been happening... That would have been her answer.' He fidgets his feet around to get them between Chibs' calves and they're fucking freezing, like always. 'After she died, people kept talking about how kind she was... I mean, they were probably just being nice, but they said she never turned anyone away an' she always saw the good in them... ' He gives another of his funny little shrugs.

 

Chibs stubs his cigarette out, pulls the blankets up around them both and stares at the little sliver of light the lamp's allowed to give out. Juice always runs out of words before he gets close to saying anything important. 

 

'So...' Chibs cuddles Juice closer and gives the lads shoulder a little kiss before he rests his chin there. 'If she happened to see the ugliest cat in the history of the world, lying half dead on the curb, she'd a carried it to the vets, an' adopted it, then...' 

 

Juice pauses.. 'Yeah, yeah, I guess...I'd never really thought about it like that...'

 

'Go to sleep. We'll go light a candle for her in the morning.'

 

&&&

 

Luisa's waiting when they get to her house. She's in a pair of sweatpants and a thick, woollen sweater that she must have appropriated from an old boyfriend. The sleeves are long enough to hide her bandaged wrists. 

 

'We going?' she asks as Juice walks in the door. 

 

Marnie appears in the doorway to the kitchen, she's holding the cordless phone in one hand. 'I told Luisa you were going to St. Luke’s. Thought it might be nice if you went together.' She throws what might be termed a 'meaningful look' at her youngest sister and Luisa breaks into a slow, wooden little smile.

 

'Uh... Yeah, sure...' Juice knows better than to argue when two of his sisters agree on something. Last thing he really needs today is a heart to heart with his little sister, though. He's pretty sure the first thing she ever did on leaving their mother's womb was to punch him in the face. And, what if she blames him, what if she thinks it's his fault Hernan used him for blackmail? It's a crazy idea but she's a fucking psycho. 

His fingers feel numb as he takes the keys to the rental from Chibs' hand, pulls the front door open again. 'Um... you wanna come too, Marn? Jo could watch the kids-'

 

'No, it's okay, Mijo. Juanita an' me are gonna stay here. Trying to get hold of papa, he's not answering his phone again.'

 

'Oh, okay...' Juice's heart sinks a little. Chibs just shrugs, taking off his jacket and making it clear he's not going either. 'Guess it's just us, then...' 

 

&&&

 

Chibs gets himself a coffee, takes it and sits at the table, listens as Marnie tries Hernan's number again, still gets no answer. Good luck with that, he thinks, and he feels a stab of something. 

Jo brings her own coffee to the table. Sits down and has a good old stare at Chibs. Feels like she can see what's written on the inside of his eyeballs.

He's not gonna kid himself that the Ortiz kids will be happy to learn that the old bastard's dead, not yet, there's too much shit to work through first. No matter what the guy's done, he's still the man who raised them all when their mother died. 

 

Marnie'll get saddled with dealing with all the death shit while trying to hold Luisa together, Jo'll snap and put someone in the hospital, have no idea that it was grief and anger that made her do it and Juice'll feel cheated that the guy died peacefully in his sleep. 

 

He flicks through one of Jo Jo's boxing magazines, waits for the shit to start hitting the fan.

 

&&&

 

'This place is just like I remember it. It's smaller, though. Tiny.' 

 

Juice takes his hands out of his pockets when they get in the church, just like he was always taught. In the car on the way over, Luisa had pulled a headscarf out of nowhere, draped it over her hair and tucked it in, just like Marnie always used to when they were younger. Now, dressed in sweatpants, woollen sweater and the headscarf, she looks like some sort of refugee. Juice kneels and crosses himself as they approach the altar, Luisa doesn't bother. 

 

The place is deserted, but for an old woman sitting a few pews ahead, her head bowed. Luisa picks a row, slides into a seat and Juice sits next to her, stares around at the stations of the cross, the blessed virgin. 

 

He remembers crying at the sight of the crucifix, once. He'd looked at all the wounds and all he could think was how much it must have hurt. He remembers that Jo had taken one look at him and laughed, hadn't shut up about it for a week after. 

 

He remembers his mom's funeral here, Luisa being carried by Hernan, Jo wooden faced at his side. He remembers that sat on the front row, Marnie had slid one arm around his shoulders, hugged him close, that she'd got a load of toilet tissue rolled up in her pocket and she'd torn off a few squares for each of them, doled it out. 

 

'You think he gives a shit?' Luisa asks. Nods her head towards the crucifix, just so Juice knows who she's on about. 'Suicide's a sin, remember?'

 

'I don't--' Juice has been avoiding thoughts like that for a long time, ever since he clawed his way up that tree with the tow chain in his hands. Ever since he took that AK to the Putlova crew at Opie's wedding. If Juice were to sit and count all of the sins he's committed over the years, he'd be here all day. If he believes in hell, he's going there. It's better not to believe. 'The confessional might be open...' he says.

 

'Yeah. We both know that's bullshit though, right?' Luisa looks at him sideways and it should be scorn in her eyes- it usually is. It's not though, she looks almost hopeful. 

 

'I dunno. I mean, mom always said it helped...'

 

'Yeah, well, I don't really remember that.' Luisa looks down at her lap, fiddles with the edge of one of her bandages. 

 

Juice looks at her. He'd been twelve when their mom passed, Luisa was four years younger. And, mom had been sick for years before that. The last time Juice really remembers his mom being a real mom was when he was really tiny. Mostly, it was just Marnie. He feels like a total jerk. He was lucky, he got to spend time with mom before she got bad. His little sister never did.

 

'What do you remember about her?' Luisa asks and her voice is all small.

 

'I d-- I don't really remember much...' he admits and he wishes it wasn't true, wishes he'd paid closer attention instead of concentrating so hard on just growing up. Luisa looks up at him like she's waiting for something special and he's got nothing. He looks up at the stations of the cross, Mary cradling her son's dead body in her lap. Something comes to mind. 

 

Middle of the night, moonlight swimming through the window and his mom coming into the room, her nightdress glowing white. Feel of her hand, smoothing the hair back from his sweaty forehead, and a sad, tired smile on her face. He remembers her lifting him, holding him on her hip and she'd been warm, smelt of soap and cleaning stuff. He remembers her hair had been a long, dark curtain, soft as angel wings. 

 

'I remember her singing me to sleep when I was sick,' he says. ‘Don't remember what it was, just... She used to sing.' He shrugs

 

'It was about a bird,' Luisa whispers. 'Little bird that lived on the wind. And it never touched the ground--'

 

'Till it died...' Juice remembers it now, he can hear the words sang in his mom's fragile voice. 'Made me fucking cry every time I heard it!'

 

'Yeah... she used to... You remember all that Disney stuff?'

 

'Oh god! Minnie Mouse! I mean, what the fuck?'

 

'Yeah, yeah, that's right! She had that night dress with Minnie Mouse on, an' she'd come down the corridor in the dark, and it'd be Minnie Mouse coming towards you!' Luisa sniffs, laughing and checking her pockets for a tissue. 'I'd forgot all about that.'

 

'Here.' Juice reaches into the hoodie Chibs had thrown at him earlier. Guy always keeps a handkerchief, an honest to goodness, real hankie. Never gets used, it's just always there, folded up small. He hands it over. There are initials on the corner: JT. James Telford, Chibs' dad. 'Lou... Did you wanna die?'

 

She sighs and shrugs one shoulder. 'Don't know. Don't think I thought about it like that.'

 

'I didn't either. Was trying to... Stuff happening an' I just didn't wanna deal...' Juice feels Luisa's sharp intake of breath, she turns her head to look at him. He gives a little shrug of his own. 'It's not like what was going on with you.' 

In the seat next to him, Juice feels a little tremor of tension working it's way up through his sister's body and he thinks 'oh shit'. She says nothing though, just stares at her lap, her jaw spasming like Jo's sometimes does. He should have kept his mouth shut. 'It's okay. I mean, I know you don't wanna talk about it an' that's cool, it's just--' 

'Carlos,' Luisa says softly. 'Stop talking, okay?' 

'Okay. I just... I'm just trying to say that sometimes stuff gets too much an' you end up doing something you shouldn't...'

 

Luisa nods, traces her finger over the initials on the handkerchief. 'Yeah... I get that. Easier to check out, let someone else take over being the fucking grown up.' She shrugs. 'Is it still like that for you?'

 

Juice pauses, considers. Life's not perfect, he knows he's on borrowed time. Sooner or later his sins are gonna trip him up, but that's its own weirdly perfect sort of justice. He thinks now that he might even be at a sort of peace with it. 

 

'No,' he says. 'No, I'm okay.'

 

Luisa takes a breath, rests her head on his shoulder and slides one hand into the crook of his arm. 'Yeah. Me too.'

 

'Lou?' It's probably a mistake, bringing this up, just when it's so peaceful between them, but Juice is always gonna have that question mark feeling sitting on his shoulder if he doesn't ask. He feels her head shift as she looks up at him. 'Don't get mad, okay? I uh... I wasn't snooping but... your voice-mail, um...'

 

Luisa groans. 'You listened? You are such a fucking asshole, man...' She lets her head fall back, stares up at the ceiling. 

 

'I'm sorry, I just... I was trying to help and--' Juice shrugs, waits for the eruption. Luisa just shakes her head. 'Did he... I mean... he said he'd tell that cop where I was...'

 

Luisa sighs, tucks the handkerchief up her sleeve. Juice'll probably never see it again. 'Look, it was dumb of you to come out here. Marnie shouldn't a called you.'

 

'Lou, look, you don't gotta protect me. If that guy came after me, I can take care of it and--'

 

'Sure you can. Sure.' Luisa chuckles softly and Juice has a full on Clark Kent moment, or maybe Peter Parker, since Spider-man was way cooler... He could tell his sister that he has brothers who'd do anything for him, die, kill, whatever. She'll never believe him though. And, if he's gonna find a way to take care of Hernan, he really needs to keep everything quiet.

 

'Can I have it back, please?' He holds out his hand and Luisa looks at him. He instantly feels like an idiot. 'The handkerchief. I want it back.'

 

'It's covered in--'

 

'Yeah, I know, but.'

 

Luisa reaches up her sleeve, pulls it free and hands it over. 'Weirdo,' she mutters under her breath. She doesn't ask whose initials they are, though.

 

&&&

 

They get back and Marnie's talking about driving over to Hernan's to check on him once Juice and Chibs have caught their flight. Jo Jo's pulling faces and saying to let the old guy rot for a bit, do him some good. 

 

Chibs just sits and watches their argument, his eyes shifting from one to the other like he's watching a tennis match or something. He looks uncomfortable, which is weird because this entire week, with all the craziness, the guy has just sucked it up. 

 

Juice whispers his fingers into the nape of the guy's neck while no one's looking and finds he's as tense as he looks. 

 

'You ready to head out?' he asks and receives a quiet 'aye' in reply. 

 

'Everything settled between you two?' Chibs asks, eyes glancing over to where Luisa is sat on the couch, Rosa huddled under one arm, Mika under the other and Marta stood before her, holding up her latest piece of artwork. 

 

Juice follows his gaze. 'Yeah. Yeah, we're good. Should probably get outta here before we start fighting again, though.' 

 

Even though Marnie and the rest of them will see and might say something about it, he slides his arm around the guys shoulders, presses a kiss to the top of his head. 

 

&&&

 

Marnie gets the whole brood lined up at the door to say their goodbyes. She holds onto Juice for a long time, and when she lets go, she wipes her eyes with the back of her hand, then she runs one thumb gently under each of Juice's eyes, wipes it off on her jeans with a sniff and a sad smile. She presses a kiss and a thank you to Chibs' cheek and he gives her arm a little squeeze.

 

Luisa allows Juice an awkward little one-sided hug, gives Chibs a nod and says it was nice to meet him. The kids are all shy hugs and attention seeking.

 

Jo turns to Chibs, says, 'Later, Brokeback.' She goes to give Juice a dead arm and without seeming to think, the lad bounces right back, lands a punch to her belly that doubles her over, has her wheezing for a second. 

 

'Carlos!' Marnie is outraged but Jo just straightens up with a grin.

 

'Fucking finally!' she says, smashing him into a hug. 'Jeez, you gotta stand up for yourself, man...' Juice looks stunned, his eyes wide over Jo's shoulder and what looks like the makings of an amazed grin ghosting his lips. You'd think she'd just called the best big brother in the world. Maybe, in her own way, she had.

 

Jo Jo follows their car down the street for a few paces, hands stashed in her pockets. 

 

She's joined by Mika and the girls, places a protective hand on the boy's shoulder and yells at Marta to quit it, no handstands in the road.

 

Chibs watches her in the rear view mirror, thinks to himself, yeah, funny bird, that. He's no idea if she's onto him or not. Might just be paranoia, might not be. He's a feeling that whatever it is, if it is anything, it's never gonna be spoken outloud.

 

In a few hours, there'll be a phone call and Juice will come off it looking all pensive. And he'll say that it turns out his step-dad died in the night. He won't be sure what to feel and will sit there all huddled up, trying not to be upset because he hates the guy and had been talking about finding ways to kill him, and he'll say as much. And then the tears'll come, and Juice'll be horrified that he's crying for the guy. All Chibs will be able to do is hold him, and wait him out, and tell him it's gonna be okay. 

 

Chibs looks at Juice, mellow and laid back in the passenger seat, and he feels this huge clunk of something. It's not regret. It might be sorrow. Sorrow for Juicy and his lost childhood, and the way his family is never gonna be quite right. You meet the Ortiz's and it's easy to see how Juice turned out like he did. You meet them and you curse their rotten luck and their lousy lives. Can't do shit about it, though.

 

He reaches over, gives Juice's knee a squeeze and the lad leans in, rubs his cheek on Chibs' shoulder before going back to staring out the window. 

 

'It's gonna be okay,' Juice says softly. And Chibs hopes that one day, it might be.

**Author's Note:**

> When this was originally posted on SOA Slash, people got a bit lost with the nicknames Juicy's family use for each other. Here's a brief run-through of who's who:
> 
> Marnie (also called Manuelita or Manuella) Juice's eldest sister, about 6 yrs older than him. Raised him when his mother died.  
> Jo Jo (also called Juana or Juanita) 8/9 months younger than Juice- half sister, they have the same mother  
> Luisa (also called Luisita, or Shithead) 3 years younger than Juice. Shares same father as Jo Jo, so another half sister for Juice  
> Hernan- Jo Jo and Luisa's dad, Juice and Marnie's step father  
> Mika- Luisa's eldest son, about 10 years  
> Marta & Rosie/Rosita- Luisa's daughters, both aged around 4-5  
> Antonio- Luisa's second son, about 18 months old  
> Jesus (Hey-Sous!)- Luisa's third son, less than 6 months old  
> Juice is alternately referred to as Mijo, Carlito, Carlos, Retardo and whatever else Luisa and Jo Jo can think up.


End file.
